CHOICES WE MAKE
by ali1122
Summary: summary inside...an idea is when there is nothing left to live for after Edward leaves in New Moon, Bella makes a rash decision and puts an end to her suffering. What happens when she wakes up to find herself back on her first day of Forks High?
1. Chapter 1

CHOICES WE MAKE

Summary: After three months of emptiness and no Edward, Bella decides she had enough and ends up jumping off a cliff...however, what she didn't plan on was waking up the next morning on her first day of Forks High all over again...

Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!

Note: I stumbled upon a story with this similar plot (so to speak) though I wasn't happy with the lack of detail. I brought my own creative spin on it so it's not the same in any way though I hope you all read this and find you all like it! Whether you leave reviews is entirely up to all of you though it would be much appreciated...especially with this being the first of my fanfics I've completed...now I can finish my others! Thanks so much in advance!

Chapter 1

_"You're not good for me, Bella.. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." __This couldn't be happening. He can't be serious. He can't leave me. We belong together!_ _NO! I shouted in my mind, for the first time I actually wished he could hear my thoughts. I wished he could hear me, so he could know just how much he means to me. There is no living without Edward. I couldn't process much of what was going on. All that was going through my mind was panic, that this was really going to be over. He promised me he'd never leave. How could he lie? How could he do this? I had lost all feeling within myself, never knowing it was possible to feel so empty, so alone, so worthless. Edward didn't want me. He didn't love me. And with a final kiss on my forehead, he said goodbye to me leaving me standing there, in the woods, alone. I couldn't believe my life was crumbling before me and there was nothing I could do to prevent this._

_"I don't want you to come. I don't want you. You're not good for me." A collection of his words cut through me like daggers as I remembered what he said, what he so harshly forced me to accept. Chasing after him proved worthless; he was long gone. And I was alone..._

It had been three months since Edward left me. Since the entire Cullen family packed up their things and disappeared, just as he said. As though they never existed but the memory of Edward would stay with me forever. His absence from my life and taking my things would not take away the memories we built together. They would always stay with me...haunting me. Each day was torture. I couldn't go on this way. I just couldn't. I couldn't be strong for Charlie. I couldn't get over this like Edward wanted and I knew I never would. I needed to get away from everything. Staying in this room...my room which teased me with the memories of Edward sneaking in every night and holding me as I slept...was too much. I was done dealing with this pain. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the keys to my truck and headed out my bedroom door without acknowledging Charlie sitting on the couch watching the game.

"Where are you going?" He asked, surprised to see me out of my room for once. When I wasn't in school, wasting time, I was in my room. I shut everyone out of my life. It no longer had meaning.

"Out." I answered without any second thoughts. I was getting out of this house. I was going to find my escape from all of this. Charlie wasn't going to keep me from doing this.

"Bella, wait we need to talk." He now stood in my way, the only thing keeping me from reaching the door and being free. I looked up with him, not really seeing him.

"What's up dad?" I asked, though I knew how empty my voice sounded.

"Bells, I think maybe you should move back in with your mom in Jacksonville," He started. Instantly, as though a fire ignited within me, my eyes snapped up and looked at him for the first time in three months. He was tired of me. He didn't want me either. No one wanted me. It was obvious. "It's not that I don't want you to be here sweetie, I don't want you to go. But this behavior isn't healthy...you need a new start."

"And if I don't want to go?" I snapped at him, not buying his lie of actually wanting me around. I knew I'd become a pain to him. And Jacksonville definitely would have nothing waiting for me there. My mother had Phil. Changing my scenary would not change the way I was here. If anything, it'd be even worse. At least here, I waited for months with the hopes of Edward coming back. It was Forks...one of the few places the Cullens would actually stay in. If I was in Jacksonville...a place known more for sunshine than its constant rainy days...then I truly would never see him again. This couldn't be happening! All this was doing was confirming that I shouldn't be here or anywhere.

"I figured you'd say that," He sighed, clearly not knowing how to handle this. He never did know how to handle me. "Why don't we talk about this some more in the morning? Who are you going out with tonight?"

"No one, I just needed some fresh air," I answered and walked around him not wanting to continue this any further. I internally thanked Charlie for helping me make the right decision. I turned out of the drive way and headed toward La Push. I wasn't sure why I was going there but something within me told me I would find what I was looking for on the way. And I did. I pulled over on the road, noticing in the distance cliffs. I rememberd as a kid Jake mentioning people cliff diving for fun but no one dared jump from the highest cliffs. It was too dangerous but just perfect for me tonight. Having made my mind up, I took off once more and headed closer to the woods. It felt like forever until I finally reached the cliffs. With the sky nearing nightfall and the woods being difficult for me to walk through without tripping every other step, it took longer than I hoped to get there but once I did, I took one step closer to the edge and looked down, bracing myself for what was about to be the end. I welcomed it.

_"Don't do this Bella," _I jumped back, surprised at hearing Edward's voice. It had been so long since I heard him speak; I turned around thinking he was behind me. Hoping he knew already what I was going to do and he came to stop me; to tell me everything he said was a lie. But when I turned around, there was no one there. Once again, I felt alone. He took everything with him when he left me. I turned back to the edge of the cliff, bracing myself for the jump.

_"Bella, you promised me..."_ I heard again, though this time I would not be fooled. I knew he wasn't here. Even though he wasn't, I answered anyway. I had nothing left to lose at this point.

"And this is me breaking that promise...just like you did to me. You took everything when you left. I can't do this anymore. I can't live in a world where you don't exist." I said, more to myself than anyone else.

_"Bella...I love you..._" his voice declared though it meant nothing. By now I was fully convinced he did not love me.

"No...you don't. You never did." And with my final words I jumped. The feeling of the wind against my body made me feel weightless, as though I was flying. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the impact. Even though I prepared myself, I was caught off guard by the amount of pain which I felt as soon as my body slammed deep into the water. Even if I had tried to swim up to the surface, the current was too strong; it seemed I picked the perfect weather to do this-there was a storm coming and the current was stronger than it usually was. It took me deeper into the water. The deeper I went, the harder it was for me to hold my breath. Breath I did not know I was even holding. Once I tried to get the oxygen I needed, it was too late for me. My lungs filled with water, I felt pressure growing within my body. It fought back, wanting the air it desperately needed but I had deprived myself of what had already been taken away from me. And then it came...the darkness finally took me away. There was nothing left.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!

Chapter 2

Everything ached. I thought I wasn't supposed to feel anything once it was all over. So why did my body hurt all over? I wasn't able to surpress my need to shout out in pain even though everything I had was telling me to just deal with it. Everything was over now. If this was the consequence of that decision then I'd have to deal with it. I was even taken by surprise when I felt strong arms on me, slightly shaking me.

"Bells?" I didn't answer. I didn't even know if I could answer though the voice sounded familiar. "Bella? Wake up, you're having nightmare!" I heard clearer now. It was Charlie. Did he just tell me to wake up? Not knowing I'd be able to, I tried opening my eyes and somehow was successful for before me sat a very concerned Charlie. To say I was confused would be an understatement. I looked around, taking in my surroundings. I was in my room...but how did I get here?

"Dad?" I asked, my throat feeling scratchy. I couldn't hide the confusion.

"Bells, you alright?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"I think so?" I answered, more in a question than anything else. What the hell happened? I thought I was dead!

"I didn't know you still had nightmares kiddo," he said, surprised that I didn't sleep well even though he knew very well that I had had nightmares every day since Edward left me.

"What do you mean? I've had one every night for the past three months dad, you know that..." I told him. Both of us were clearly confused.

"Hmm..I would've thought your mom would've mentioned it to me," he uttered.

"Again, what do you mean?"

"I thought your mom would've mentioned you started having nightmares, that's all...but not to worry, hopefully you'll feel better after your first day of school is over. Maybe you're just dreading it..." He chuckled.

"First day? Dad, what day is it?" I sat up, trying to ignore the stiffness in my body.

"It's October 15th Bella...it's your first day at Forks High School," He looked at me concerned and as though I had completely lost my mind. "You should start getting up or you'll be late. Be careful driving the truck today though..." He stood up and left, giving me my privacy. I jumped out of bed and ran over to the calendar that hung on my wall,once again ignoring the aches in my body. It was last year all over again...how could this be? I looked around the room and noticed unpacked bags that I had brought with me when I moved back in. This couldn't really be happening could it? Did the time seriously rewind itself? Did the jump never happen? My body felt it...so it must have. I was so confused. Regardless of my confusion, I grabbed my toiletry bag and started getting ready, every now and then wincing at the pain I felt within my body. If this was a year ago...my first day of Forks High School...then that means I hadn't met Edward yet. I hadn't met the Cullens...I hadn't met any of my friends...it was as though it was a fresh start and I had a decision to make. I could easily start over with Edward...I could avoid getting that stupid paper cut. Or...I could act like I didn't know him and refuse to ever see him. Did I want that? I felt my newly whole heart start to break at that fact. How could I ever do that?

The entire drive over to school, thoughts of how things would turn out this time around filled my mind. Edward was my entire life...even if in this one he still did not know me. I could let him in, just as I had when I came here. But could I...

I made my way to the office, to grab my schedule even though I already knew what it would be. I greeted the secretary...already knowing what she would say. This was going to be wierd but I had to make sure I didn't slip up and make it seem strange if I already knew someone's name and what they were about to say. I barely looked at my schedule though out of curiousity I checked to see if in this fresh start it would be the same and what do you know...it was. This was last year all over again. Once more, I was greeted by Eric and once again he offered to show me around. This time, I really didn't want an escort. I knew my way around so I thanked him and made my way to my first class. Throughout my morning classes I was "introduced" to Jessica and Angela and of course...Mike Newton. I didn't look forward to the endless flirting he still pursued even when Edward and I were together. It still made me sick. I avoided him the best I could even though once again, just like before, I sat with him and everyone else at the lunch table.

Curiosity of whether I'd see the Cullens or not got the best of me and I looked over to their table. They weren't there yet but I noticed when Alice and Jasper made their way into the building, followed by Rosalie and Emmett. This deja vu feeling was really started to freak me out...but this would stay like this. Jessica, of course, noticed me staring and took the liberity of walking me through her speech about how the Cullens thought they were better than everyone else since they kept to themselves and of course, how wierd they were for dating each other. I rolled my eyes...she didn't know the truth. She didn't understand any of the crap she was talking about. Edward wasn't there yet...but I was instantly drawn to Alice. I still couldn't believe she left me without saying good bye.

"Alice," I silently uttered, more to myself. The memories of constantly writing to her for months only to never get a response filled my mind and I was hurt. She was my best friend and even she abandoned me. It didn't surprise me when all four of them-Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett-shot their heads up in my direction. I knew they heard me but I instanty looked away, looking down at the table trying to fight the tears that I knew were rising to the surface. I contained them well, I knew this. I was only weak when it came to one person..Edward.

"That's Edward Cullen...he doesn't date though. Apparently no one here is good enough for him," I heard Jessica say. I clenched my fists at hearing this, only realizing now how cruel her comments were. I was with Edward. I was good enough for him...

_"You're not good for me Bella."_

His words rang clear in my head as though I was experiencing that day all over again. Apparently he hadn't wanted me. He never did so why would I delude myself once more into thinking he would want me. I fought myself, thinking if I should look up to see him or not. There was no doubt that at this point he had already taken his seat and was being informed about how I knew Alice's name. Hopefully they concluded it was through Jessica's introductions. Against my better judgement, I looked up and saw as his dark eyes staring at me with frustration. I guess he already realized he can't read my mind. I laughed at this...I guess that wouldn't change in this reality and for that I was thankful. I knew he heard and saw me laugh...which caused him to become more and more confused. Though I never broke away from his gaze like he expected me to. He always told me how most humans shy away from them, knowing better but I was not about to pretend to be afraid of them when I knew there was nothing to fear. The only thing to fear was giving in and getting my heart ripped out all over again. Looking at him now, I knew he had my heart, my soul, my life, my everything. If I followed the same choices I would end up where I started. Standing over edge of a cliff ready to jump. I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose him again. I felt the tears once again trying to reach the surface and this time I knew they would take me over. I looked away from him and down at the table. I had to get out of here.

"Excuse me." I said to Jessica and Angela who wore confused expressions on their face. Obviously they would never understand why I was reacting this way. They never would. I made my way toward the exit and even though I knew not to look at him again...I did. He and Alice both stared at me with confusion, not understanding why suddenly the new girl was fleeing the cafeteria practically in tears. I shook my head and looked away, defeated and exitted the way they came in. I had to pull myself together before I had to go to biology...where Edward would realize just how strong my scent was...where it would be too much for him...where he'd run off...ugh I couldn't do it. The memories had to be enough for me. I couldn't torture him this way. If I keep him at arms length, he won't realize he's in love with me and he can stay here and not uproot his family because of me. So that is what I decided I'd do. I just couldn't stand the fear of him breaking my heart. I'd rather I break my own by staying away from him than to hear those words from him again. I sat in my truck, no longer fighting my tears. I had time before I had to go to Biology. If I was being honest with myself, I was angry with him for doing this to us. We could've been so happy...why would he ruin it? How could he? Once I finally got myself under control, I took my bag and got out of my truck. My eyes darted over to the silver volvo which belonged to Edward, surprised to find Alice standing there watching me. She looked as though she wanted to come over and talk to me but something was stopping her. She looked down at the ground but I knew it was Edward. I remembered him keeping Alice away from talking to me until I finally officially met the family. It frustrated me that he would try to control Alice that way. I thought about whether I should talk to Alice and tell her what was really going on...I always felt as though I could tell her everything and I didn't want that part to change from this new reality. I wanted Alice as a friend. But he would find out...that was what I feared. Then again...so what if Edward found out about it? If he knew the truth, that shouldn't mean that I'd start dating him in this reality...my heart was damaged enough to last a life time. I wanted to befriend Alice. I wasn't going to wait for Edward to grant her permission.

"I won't tell if you don't..." I whispered. Instantly she shot her eyes up to look at me, surprised. Afterall...I knew by doing this I wasn't making obvious that I knew nothing about the Cullens but I didn't care. If I was keeping Edward out of my life, I was going to keep my friend until the day they left Forks on their own accord. She hesitantly approached me, knowing that later Edward would find out of our meeting.

"Hey, I'm Bella," I told her...yea yea, I already made it seem like I knew her but I could at least try to keep the facade that I didn't by introducting myself. Maybe that would redirect her focus, but who was I kidding...this was Alice.

"Alice," she said, now smiling at me. I surprised her by giving her a hug. I missed her so much and I was thankful that she returned the gesture. When I pulled away, the surprise was painted all over her face and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't act so surprised," I told her as I laughed. "That's how some people greet others you know..." She nodded her head, trying to accept that as the reason I hugged her. She knew better. I could tell she was trying to figure it out.

"How are you liking your first day so far?" she asked, trying to start conversation. I had to force myself to laugh..technically I already had my first day at Forks High.

"It's as though I've been here for a while...doesn't feel new at all," I admitted. I watched as Alice studied my response...knowing there was something I was hiding and I was ok with her trying to decipher it. I wanted her to know so we could be friends. But before either one of us could say something again I heard the warning bell go off and I glanced toward the school. It was now or never. "Time for class I guess," she once again nodded in agreement and we took off for the school.

I walked into the classroom and once again, handed the teacher my note which he signed...again. I already knew where my seat was going to be but I let him inform me since I was supposed to act like I was actually here for the first time. As I came closer to the seat beside Edward, I noticed as he tensed up and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Now that I understood why he had done that, I felt irritated by him now only because I had grown so used to being close to him. I was giving that up...I reminded myself. I sat down and saw him tense from the corner of my eye. I decided to do him a bit of a favor since he had his chair as far away from me as possible and I too moved my seat in the opposite direction. This didn't go unnoticed by him...of course it wouldn't. It was Edward.

I hated having to relive this scene all over again, knowing what was going through his mind exactly. He told me the day he first took me to our meadow. Our meadow...I would definitely have to go searching for that soon. Just because I was giving us up..didn't mean I didn't want to go to the one place we could be together. I refused to cry at this memory! I couldn't break down with him here and as he wanted to kill me. That angered me more than anything. I looked over at him...noticing his eye brow furrow even more in frustation as he fought he urge to kill me right here. I glared at him, showing my own anger towards him for everything he did...or hadn't done yet. I wouldn't give him that chance. There was no way! I knew after today he was going to run off to Alaska and have his breakdown about whether he could stay in control around me or not...my fists clenched realizing this.

I looked away and looked at the clock to see just how much time I had left of this torture. Another five minutes...wierd. Time seemed to go by faster than I had originally thought but I braced myself for his abrupt exit at the sound of the bell and sure enough he delivered. He was out of his chair and out the door as soon as that thing went off. I sat there for a few more minutes getting my thoughts together.

"Hey Bella.." I looked up, caught off guard when Mike Newton greeted me. Ugh, I wasn't in the mood for his pointless flirting.

"Hey Mike," I said as I stood up and gathered my things.

"So...you and Cullen didn't seem to be getting a long," my jaw clenched when he mentioned this. I knew how happy it made him to see me "hating" my lab partner. It amused me to know how he'd react if he knew I was in love with Edward.

"Guess not," I simply said, heading for the door, not caring to continue this conversation.

"So what's your next class?" He pushed to continue a conversation with me.

"Gym."

"Me too!" he exclaimed in excitement but I didn't answer. Instead, I made my way into the class and luckily I didn't have to participate today...this was my favorite part. I sat from the side lines thinking about today...and oh yea...last time Edward disappeared for the entire week. I guess I had that to look forward to. When gym was over, I made my way to the office just like I had last time and there he was...trying to switch classes because my scent was too much for him.

"Oh please." I muttered under my breath and instantly he tensed up, realizing the scent that was tempting him was right behind him. He quickly rushed out when he realized it was impossible to switch his class but I couldn't help but laugh. He really had no idea just how much control he really had. I gave the secretary my slip and made my way out, avoiding small talk and went to my truck. Edward and the others stood by the volvo as I walked by...I knew they were all staring. Nonetheless, I got in my truck and took a deep breath as I gripped the stearing wheel, willing myself not to break down. But I couldn't help myself. I lost it for the second time, only last time no one else but Alice was in the parking lot. I wiped my tears away and started the truck. I glanced over at the Cullens who were more focused on Edward, though Alice was focusing on me..trying to figure me out.

"Please don't even try Alice," I whispered. "Not yet.."They all heard me. I knew because they looked in my direction but I quickly took off and headed home. This next week was going to be Edward free; I already knew that and it was fine with me. I could pull myself together because I was still so tempted to be with him. I wasn't fully decided on what I'd do even though I knew what I should do. I just had to get myself to agree to it.

I got home to an empty house, as expected so I took that time to unpack my things and cook dinner for Charlie. I, unfortunately, had no appetite. How could everything turn out this way? I was supposed to be dead, not waking up to a year before on the day that I first met Edward. Was this supposed to be some sick joke? Why did this have to happen? I was taken out of my thoughts when Charlie came in through the door and greeted me.

"Hey Bells,"

"Hey Dad, hungry?" I asked, not wanting to engage in an extensive conversation.

"Starved," he answered, hanging up his jacket and gun. "You cooked?"

"Yes, I think I'll be making a habit of it...if that's ok with you?" he nodded in agreement. I knew he loved having me cook before...considering he used to eat out all the time. Then the idea came to me...I could distract myself from all this Edward business by focusing on cooking. I'd always enjoyed it as well as baking, so why not advance my skills?

"So how was your first day?" he asked, curious.

"Fine," I told him. I wanted to say it was redudant, but he wouldn't know how true that was.

"Any confusion from this morning?"

"No, no longer confused," I answered. "I guess I was still in my dream that I couldn't grasp I was awake this morning...that's all." He nodded his head and started eating.

"You're not hungry?" he furrowed his eye brows in confusion.

"No, I had a big lunch," I lied. I guess coming back to this time didn't give me my appetitite back...which I had lost in the three months since Edward had been gone. I just couldn't keep anything down properly anymore. I hoped that would change with me being in the past again but it hadn't. I took a lot with me into this world. All the memories, the pain, you name it. I was the only one who knew it all.

When Charlie finished his meal and I cleaned up, I headed up to my room and stopped short when I looked over to my window. Remembering all the nights Edward would sneak in. I stared at it for a good ten minutes, wondering if he was out there. I grew angry at this thought. I didn't want him making this harder for me than it already was. I slammed the window shut, angrily and locked it. Once it was locked, I closed the blinds. No more sneaking around for months watching me sleep like he said he had. I went to bed that night with difficulty but when I finally slept...I didn't have dreamless sleep. I was back in the meadow.

Our meadow. The one safe place for us. If I could come here every night in my dream I'd be able to fight through this. But in this dream...he was so far away. I couldn't reach him.

_"You're not good for me Bella." _ _he said from across the way. Oh, not this again. He was doing it again. _

_"Edward, don't do this," I pleaded with him, tears already getting the best of me. "Please don't leave me...I can't go through this again!" I fell to the ground, feeling my heart shattering all over again and when I looked up to face him with pleading eyes, he was gone. I was alone. There really was no escaping being alone and him leaving me. "No!" I cried out, laying on the ground, curling up. Not again...please not again!_

I had that dream every night since that first day back and just as I had predicted, Edward was a no show the entire week. I went on trying to pretend that my flee from the cafeteria would go unmentioned by that was wishful thinking. Jesscia, being nosey like she was, had to know what exactly happened and I couldn't give her an answer. I couldn't even make something up. That entire week, Mike was relentless trying to get me to go out with him and Alice never tried talking to me. I should thank Edward for that. He probably told them all to stay away. It would be typical of him to do. Regardless of all of that, the week went by quickly for me though it bored me. I had gone through all of this already and I needed a challenge. A challenge I obviously wasn't going to get.

When the weekend rolled around, I spent a lot of time searching the net for recipes. I wanted to get more creative with the food. Even though I didn't eat more than half of what I made, I still needed it to be perfect. It was the one thing no one could take away from me. But even the internet wasn't enough for me. I needed to go buy a book that not only would give me new recipes but one that would teach me different culinary skills that I had already not been aware of. The only thing was I needed to wait til Monday because Sunday-when I realized I needed it-everything was closed. I had the worst timing with this, I knew that but I couldn't always go to the local bookstore to pick it up after school Monday. I let Charlie know the next morning before I left for school. I parked my truck in its usual spot and stopped short when I noticed Edward's volvo parked in the lot today. Of course...this rainy day was the day he decided to show up and get to know me. This was the day the car nearly crushed me and Edward saved me, trying to deny he wasn't at his car. That day frustrated me when I had to lie for him but he wouldn't tell me why. But now...I didn't have to be involved with the accident and that's what I'd make sure I did. However, that would mean my truck would get totalled. I thought about this and stopped half way between my truck and the volvo. I knew Edward was standing there with Alice and the others, probably wondering if I was crazy or not since I stopped short. I turned and went back to my truck after I spotted a different spot...one that Tyler's van would be no where during the accident. I reparked...feeling content and headed back to the building. I didn't try making eye contact with Alice or the others. I just made my way to my classes. Lunch was spent in the library doing some more research on which books were best for me. When I noticed the closest bookstore was in Port Angeles, I groaned in frustration, recalling what happened that time I went dress shopping with Angela and Jessica. Yet another memory which Edward was a part of. Would it be bad if I went back there? I could park right near the book store so I'd be ok...I decided on that but I'd have to stop at the house to leave a note for Charlie just in case.

The bell rang, signalling for the next period to start-Biology. Ugh, here we go again, I thought. I made my way into the class room to find Edward already in his seat waiting. I took my seat, doing my best to avoid eye contact..that was before I noticed his eyes were now a golden brown color. He had gone hunting, that was obvious. He was in more control than last time since he wasn't tensing up and he was trying a little too hard not to look at me.

"Hello," He spoke up...just hearing his voice sent chills throughout my body and my heart began to race, especially since I was now supposed to act uninterested. I have to do this, I kept reminding myself. "I didn't get the chance to introduce myself last week, I'm Edward Cullen, you're Bella?" I refused to look at him. I closed my eyes, trying to keep myself in control. I had to pretend. I had to be believable. I didn't know how to though he had no problem breaking my heart. I looked over at him, once I had myself under control and nodded my head then turned away. But not before noticing the confusion plastered across his face.

"How are you liking the weather?" He continued. Ugh, Edward please don't make this more difficult for me than it has to be...please, I thought to myself. I'd never acted this way towards him and it was already difficult. So why was he already so persistant in talking to me...had he already grown an attachment to me without me realizing just how soon it was for him...For me it was nearly that first day I met him that he had me but I'm sure it was never like that for him. He told me himself that day he left me in the woods that he didn't love me.

"It's fine." I answered, keeping out conversation short and to the point.

"Is it a big change for you?" he asked again.

"No." I simply said. Even though this surprised him, I really wasn't against the rain anymore. I had already technically been back over a year but in this reality it hadn't even been a month yet. But even in this time I preferred Forks to Jacksonville.

"Really? I would've thought it would be..." he mused.

"You thought wrong." I said. Luckily, the teacher came in at that moment to introduce the lab we had to do. Ugh, the stupid Mitosis lab! This meant I had to be more talkative with Edward...just this once Bella, I told myself. We were instructed to begin and so we did.

"Ladies first?" He offered. This time, without hesistation I started and was a little too quick to say it was Prophase. I barely even looked in the slide.

"Mind if I check?" He asked, trying be polite. Arms length, Bella, arms length, I had to tell myself.

"Sure." I told him. I wanted so badly to tell him to do whatever the hell he wanted..he already did that by deciding we were over without talking to me about things. He decided he knew what was best for me and I hated it.

"It's prophase." He said instantly, I saw the frustration on his face. I'm not stupid Edward! I thought. Was it really that surprising that I knew my biology? I thought. He changed the slide and was quick to say it was Metaphase. I didn't care though. I didnt even want to check his work because I already knew without looking what it was. "Are you sure you don't want to check?"

"Yep." was all I said. He looked disappointed now...first time around I was more open with him so I didn't know how he was reacting to my coldness. We were first to finish our lab, much to the teacher's surprise yet again. It wasn't until he learned I was in the advanced program back in Jacksonville that he understood. I avoided further conversation with Edward once the teacher continued on to help other students who needed it. I saw him tense up again and I wanted so badly to ease that tension. I hated doing this to him...I loved him so much it broke my heart knowing I was doing this. But this was for us. I was doing him a favor. This time, when the bell rang, I was first to leave.

"Bella..."I heard Edward call out to me as I left the room. I couldn't do this. Please no. I continued walking to gym. Hopefully he didn't try to keep pace with me because I knew he could. "Bella wait..." He said again, only now he was practically behind me. Without me realizing, he was in front of me and I slammed into him, falling back. I didn't even bother bracing myself for hitting the floor because I knew Edward would catch me. And he did. The feel of his arms around my waist again...ugh! I was so close to cracking and giving in but I couldn't! It's not what he wants! I closed my eyes, not wanting to look into his eyes.

"Thanks." I mumbled. I thanked him for not letting me fall but on the other hand it was thanks to him that I fell in the first place. He should've known not to appear in front of me like that while I was in a rush.

"I know you're on your way to class...but I can't help but think I've done something to offend you..." he started, waiting for me to open my eyes but I couldn't. My breathing was already picking up as was my heart rate and he knew this.

"You haven't." I told him, still keeping my eyes closed.

"Bella, please look at me..." he pleaded. How could he already be so sincere and concerned about me? Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. I saw the confusion, the frustration, the concern and the adoration...wait what? No! Don't look at me that way! I screamed in my mind. That's how he always looked at me when we were in love...when he loved me. I couldn't do this! I had to get away from him!

"I have to go." I said, trying to get around him.

"I don't want you to be upset with me...whatever it is I did, I'm truly sorry..." I knew he was. But it was so much more than he realized. I couldn't forgive him for breaking my heart. I mean come on! I ended my life because he left me shattered and empty. I couldn't go on with out him..I didn't go on without him. I had no response for him, though his eyes searched mine for answers. But I couldn't give them to him and I knew he wouldn't let me pass. He still hadn't let go of me but I needed him to. I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself yet again.

"Please let go of me Edward..." I said, unable to get rid of the saddness which was so clearly evident in my voice. He let me go instantly, thinking he hurt me but it wasn't his touch that hurt never was. "You didn't hurt me, don't worry." I quickly added...I didn't want him going around thinking he ended up holding onto me too tightly. He'd beat himself up over it endlessly if I let him believe that he did. But before he could question why I asked him to let me go or why I would instantly assume that's what he was thinking, I turned around and headed the other way. It looked like I was going to gym today. Again, I heard Edward pick up the pace behind me and call after me. I turned around to face him. He looked so defeated. "Don't follow me." I forced myself to say and I turned and headed into the girls' bathroom. The one place I was safe from Edward.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!

Chapter 3

I stayed in there avoiding him for the entire period and ended up skipping gym. That wasn't such a good thing but it was the only choice I had considering he was probably sulking in the hall way waiting for me to get out. What did he have to feel sorry about anyway? Shouldn't it be my decision if I want to be friends with him or not? Countless times he made it clear it would be better if we weren't friends, yet now that factor doesn't seem to register with him? I'm finally giving him what he was so adament about;if I'm putting it out there that I agree, we shouldn't be friends, then shouldn't he accept that? Why wasn't he? Why was he set on getting me to open up to him now?

I had been so consumed in avoiding Edward I hadn't noticed the bell ring at first signaling the end of the school day. Luckily, he wasn't out there waiting so I made my way to the parking lot. When I got there, I saw him standing by the car with the others. He looked so hurt and I felt like the worst person for doing that to him. Staying away from him went against every fiber of my being where Edward was concerned. It was always right for me to be with him. It was a struggle to stick to this decision and it hurt every second I chose to stay away.

I didn't go near my truck though. I was standing against a wall that was in front of my car and off to the side to where the Cullens were. I was waiting to see if the accident would happen and if it did, I didn't want to be in the lot in case fate decided to direct that van at me either way. So that's what I did. I stood and waited. I didn't even notice when Alice ran up to me, looking excited.

"Hey Bella!" She exclaimed, which took me out of my concentration and looked at her. I missed her excitement, which is something I never thought I'd say. I smiled at her, wanting to tell her how much I missed her but I couldn't.

"Alice," I responded, making sure she knew I acknowledged her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I was confused though I really shouldn't have been. I looked at her, already getting the answer in her eyes.

"Well...there's your truck.." she pointed to it. "And here you are...is something wrong?"

"No, nothing at all," I told her and gave her a smile to reassure her. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know...I heard about your run in with my brother. Did he do something to upset you?" In all honesty, I wanted to laugh a little because this was typical of Alice to want to know but I also knew Edward would hear us. I didn't want him knowing about our relationship and what really went on with us in the "other" reality but for now, I guess I could humor her while I waited until the coast was clear.

"No, he hasn't," I lied. Except for the fact that he lied to me and broke my heart, taking everything with him when he left with all of you. Selfish, overprotective, bastard.

"Then I don't understand," she nearly exploded when she said this.

"What don't you understand?" I asked her.

"Why are you trying to avoid him? I know you want to talk to him but you're resisting..I don't understand why you do that..." she confessed, avoiding looking me directly in the eyes when she told me this. I wondered...did she already have a vision of me? Is that why it was such a big deal that I was trying to not become friends with Edward? I wanted to answer her...tell her something, anything but I couldn't. I had my reasons...all doing Edward the favor in the end. I wouldn't want him having to regret a second time his decision of being with me.

"So you're standing here without going to your truck but nothing is wrong...what are you waiting for?" she asked when I didn't give her an answer...and then there it was. I heard the screeching noise of the van's tires as Tyler attempted to get the van under control. He was headed in the direction where my truck used to be parked and luckily, no one else parked there. No one but Tyler would be injured but thankfully he would only need a few stitches from hitting the windshield. This was the only thing that kept me from running over to make sure he was ok. I already knew he was. Alice stood there in shock at the scene that had just happened before her. And considering I was no where near the middle of the accident, Edward managed to avoid the risk of exposure. Double win.

"Well, I better get going," I said and started to make my way to the truck.

"Bella wait," she called after me. She took my arm to stop me and was surprised I didn't flinch from her touch. Instead I smiled at her. "I thought you were waiting for something?"

"Yea, I was and now I can go," I thought she would've realized by now what it was that I was waiting for. She stepped closer to me as though to keep the conversation between us. Even if I tried to write her what I had to say, Edward would still see it in her mind. He was sneaky that way.

"Bella," she lowered her voice. "Was that what you were waiting for?" she searched my eyes for an answer and I couldn't help but smile at her. I know I probably seemed crazy to her but I couldn't help it. I took a step closer even though we'd still be heard.

"I think we both know the answer to that Ali," I whispered, surprising her by not only my answer but by the nickname I used. "And really Alice? Whispering?" I couldn't help but laugh. I stepped away shaking my head unable to stop laughing and got in the truck, leaving Alice completely confused which never happens. As I drove off to my house to leave a note for Charlie, a thought crossed my mind. I very badly wanted to spend time with Alice but obviously I couldn't get ahold of her without making the others aware of it. So...what if I thought of something I was deciding to do and sent it to Alice? If that even made sense. What if I sent her a vision...would that work? Would she see it? Would she be curious enough to go and meet me? It didn't hurt to try. After I got home, wrote Charlie the note I sat down for a moment to test out what I thought might work. I thought of the place in Port Angeles I decided to go to. I thought about arriving there, searching for the book and I hoped Alice would get it. Most of all, I hoped she would actually go there. Hoping it worked, I got in my truck and took off to Port Angeles. The drive was longer than I thought it would be but once I got there, I noticed a Porsche parked in the customer's parking with Alice's leaning over it with her arms crossed. I smiled as I parked my car happy to see her and most importantly, happy it worked. I got out and approached her.

"Hey Alice," I greeted her, noticing she came alone. Good. "Fancy seeing her here," I couldn't help but grin.

"Yea...I was in the mood to look for books," she lied. I knew her so much better than this.

"I would've expected you to be more of a clothes shopper...not a book shopper," I laughed knowing how true it was.

"Well...I would pick clothes over books any day," she told me. I nodded my head in understanding, enjoying this time with her even though she didn't know I purposely brought her here.

"You going in?" I asked, nodding my head over in the direction of the bookstore. She nodded and we both headed in.

"So what are you looking for in here?" she asked, looking around at the different sections.

"My mission today is cooking books," I told her as I found the section and headed toward that row with Alice right behind me.

"You like to cook?"she asked.

"Yea, I cook for Charlie all the time," I responded. "I'm just trying to improve my cooking skills."

"Are you planning on becoming a chef?" she asked.

"I don't have any immediate future plans," I admitted. I honestly didn't know if I'd be making it past next year given my recent experience with the future. I didn't try to focus on deciphering the expression she had on her face when I mentioned my future. I had multiple guesses...ones circling around her trying to set me up with Edward and being with him. But that wasn't going to happen. Hope she enjoyed that scenario being erased from her psychic radar.

"I see," she said. "Why improve your skills then?"

"Cooking is a good distraction," I told her as I pulled out a few books and took a seat in the middle of the aisle and starting looking through them. She took a seat beside me. I could feel her eyes watching me with curiosity. "Go ahead Alice," I said to her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Ask what you want to ask," I answered without looking up from the book I was looking through. "I know you're dying to get the information out of me."

"See that!" she snapped in her own Alice way but instantly lowered her voice. "That's what I'm not understanding! How is it you know I have questions to ask you...how is it you knew about the accident earlier...I don't get it!" I could tell she was frustrated. I looked up at her, thinking for a few moments. Could I really follow through and tell her? She wouldn't even believe me if I told her but even worse, Edward would know. But I couldn't be in this alone. I needed Alice. If I had her I could deal with this. I took a deep breath before answering her.

"Probably the same way I knew you'd be waiting here when I got to the bookstore," I told her.

"Ok again, how do you know that! What are you, psychic?" I laughed at that. Clearly I was no psychic, that was Alice's department. "What's so funny?"

"You," I told her as I continued laughing. She crossed her arms and pouted...so Alice. I missed her!

"What's so funny about me?" she said, angry that I was laughing.

"You calling me a psychic was funny, sorry," I answered trying to stop my laughing.

"So you're not a psychic?" she asked, a crease forming between her eye brows. Alice was confused.

"No, sorry Alice," I giggled. "That's your department." I told her. Instantly the confusion passed and she was sitting even closer than she already was.

"How in the world do you know that?" she nearly demanded.

"Alice, there's a lot that I know that I honestly just wish I didn't," I confessed that much. "But telling you everything here and now...definitely not the place and I'm not even sure if telling you is such a good idea."

"Why not?"she asked, saddened that I must not trust her.

"Because it wouldn't exactly stay between us and I think you know why I say that," I answered, not wanting to bring Edward into this but he was at fault for this.

"You're referring to Edward, aren't you..."she whispered and I nodded my head in response. She was quiet for a while before speaking again, she seemed more interested in whatever she was thinking than what we had just discussed..or sort of discussed.

"So you know, don't you?" she whispered when a few people passed us in the isle. "About us, I mean."

"Yes, Alice," I looked at her. "I know."

"And you don't care?" she asked, somewhat surprised.

"No, why would it bother me?" I trusted the Cullens...minus a particular member of the family though. I couldn't make the mistake of trusting him again. "I trust you with my life. Well, most of you"

"Interesting...what do you think about Edward?" she asked nonchalantly. I stopped reading, taken back by that question. Why would she ask that? How did we suddenly get the topic of my opinion of her brother? Had she seen something about the future? Was I not decisive enough to make it more concrete?

"Why would you ask that?" I asked without opening my eyes.

"Because I think there's something there between you two...I'm feeling like I'd be a good match maker!" she exclaimed and I stood up with the books I wanted in hand. I started to walk towards the register but turned around to answer Alice before paying for my books.

"Alice...no match maker. Don't try to put something together that will not happen." I told her, hoping she would listen.

"Oh but it will happen..." she pushed. I could tell what she was hinting since I knew about her visions. But I couldn't. I had to find a way to ensure we wouldn't be together since me keeping Edward at arms length wasn't working.

"I wouldn't be so sure," I told her and turned back to go pay for the books. She rushed over to my side, refusing to drop the topic.

"So you don't like him?" she pressed as she raised an eyebrow...in that moment I knew for sure she had seen something about us. Edward probably knew about her visions and was trying to figure them out...that made sense why he was walking around feeling guilty for something he didn't know he had done...

"I never said that," the moment those words came out of my mouth I regretted them. Now Alice would not stop at trying to get the two of us together. All she needed was confirmation that I did not dislike him and that was that.

"So then you do like him...that's so exciting!" she clapped her hands together, already figuring out ways to get us together. I couldn't help but feel frustrated.

"Alice, I'm not saying I like him and I'm not saying I don't like him," I started...not trying to reveal that I was madly in love with him...he was my life. "But the plans you're developing in order to get the two of us together need to be put to rest. It's not giong to happen. I refuse to let anything happen, ok?"

"Bella...whatever you're trying to do by denying your feelings for Edward...they're not working so why fight it?" she cooed into my ear. I really wished she'd stop trying to get me to stop resisting. I looked her straight in the eye after I handed the cashier my money.

"I have my reasons Alice." I took my change and the bag which the cashier handed me and headed out the door with Alice by my side. "Just please accept this when I tell you. Edward and I will not be together."

"I don't get it," she stood shaking her head, confused. "You two are meant to be together, I can just feel it!" she pushed. I couldn't help the tears that began to spill over when she said it because I agreed with her. But he would leave me if I went down this road again. I couldn't do it and I wouldn't.

I could just see it all over again as though it was happening in front of me...him leading me into the woods...telling me he was leaving...telling me he didn't want me to go...telling me he didn't love me...telling me I wasn't good for him...I didn't belong in his world. All the restless nights flooded back into my mind..the nightmares, the emptiness. It was too much. Why did Alice have to say that? Why? I couldn't breathe. I had been crying so hard I couldn't focus on my surroundings and I could barely make out Alice's worries calling my name out, trying to see if I was ok. Next thing I knew, I was being lifted up but it wasn't Alice. I could barely make out her figure standing worried in front of me. I tried to be rational and think of who it could be holding me and then the scent hit me..it was him. What was he doing here? He couldn't be here? No! He can't know! Ugh! This just made the breathing and tears worse but I tried to fight through it and tried to get out of his hold. But he wasn't haven't it, he wouldn't let me go.

"Shh Bella," he whispered into my hear...I could hear him, faintly. "You're going to be ok, just try to relax." Instinctively, I did as he told. He was always able to soothe me without really trying. I was slowly gaining control back but the tears still kept flowing. But with my breathing somewhat normal and being able to hear better I could hear Alice and Edward talking as he began placing me in the passenger seat of my truck. "What happened Alice?" he demanded, clearly angry.

"I think I broke her..." Alice panicked.

"What do you mean you broke her? Why were you even with her!? I told you to stay away from her!" he yelled at her and then his hands were lightly touching me trying to make sure I didn't have any broken bones. Ugh, please! It's Alice! She'd never hurt me! Unlike some people!

"No you idiot! I don't mean physically!" she snapped back at him. "I mean emotionally...one minute she was fine and the next...well you know," she tried to explain.

"What did you say?" he asked, trying to understand. "Alice, stop reciting the Pledge of Allegence in Chinese and tell me!"

"I think it's best you not know," she told him, trying to sound innocent. He must of looked at her or done something but she sighed in defeat and started talking...good thing I didn't go into detail. "Well I brought you up when we were talking...and about how you two could be great together. Now before you go all postal Bella already knows about my visions...that's what I'm trying to find out about her. She knows a lot more than we think and I don't know how yet...but every time I would bring up you two being together..she would tell me to forget about it. As though she's determined to change my visions from coming true...though I can see she can't follow through on what she's planning...well...except for the vision where her future disappears..."She saw my future disappear? That could only mean one thing...I was dead. That made sense. The only way for me to keep him happy and keep myself from getting hurt would be that simple. I did it once...I just hope that if it comes down to it...I don't wake up with all this starting over again.

"She knows about us?" he asked. I couldn't figure out the emotion in his voice.

"Yes, that's what I said," she said, clearly annoyed. "Pay attention. The important part of all of this is that she loves you...she wants to be with you but she's fighting it. Don't let her."

"She doesn't want me?" I heard him ask...saddness in his voice.

"Oh she does Edward, I've seen it and I saw the look on her face, not to mention she didn't deny her feelings toward you...She broke down when I she said you two belong together but I'm not sure why she reacted that way...she wants you...just as much as you want her...she feels the same way Edward," Alice tried telling him. She was wrong though. He didn't love me at all. Even if he did at this moment, he falls out of love with me. I needed to get out of here. I needed to be away from him. I calmed down more and was able to get a handle on my tears. I forced myself to move over to the driver's seat but this didn't go unnoticed.

"Bella, no," Edward quickly insisted as he gently picked me up and placed me back in the passenger seat. "You're in no condition to drive, I'll take you back." I didn't object. I just let him do what he wanted.

"Bella..you and I still need to talk about earlier..." Alice told me, being cautious.

"I guess we do," I answered. "You'll think I'm crazy though..."

"Nonsense!" Alice exclaimed. "Why don't we have a sleep over at my place?"

"No!" I nearly shouted, causing both of them to look at me. "We can do the sleep over, but at my place. You and me. No one else..." I looked at her, hoping she caught on to what I meant.

"It'd be just you and me at my place too..." she insisted. "Everyone else would be doing their own thing..."

"I'd prefer not to be around so many people with sensitive hearing Alice." I stated and crossed my arms. They both exchanged glances and Alice finally gave in, agreeing to a sleep over but I wanted to give some more time. I needed to think of what'd I'd say. In the meantime, I had to endure this ride back with Edward.

Of course, I made sure to keep myself quiet the entire time as Edward drove me back to my place. I was completely mortified about my break down just because Alice mentioned he and I were meant to be together. I still strongly believed it..but knowing he didn't was the only thing keeping me from giving him what he would eventually end up wanting. He shouldn't be wasting his time on me. What made it worse is that every time I was around him, all the memories would simply rush into my mind and I couldn't get a handle on my emotions. It hurt but it made me see I couldn't even be his friend in this reality because I would always want more. I thought waking up back in time would give me my life back but I was wrong. No matter what I did, the solution would have no Edward. Without Edward, there was nothing for me. I wished I never came back here.

"Are you feeling better?" I heard him ask, concern evident in his voice.

"Yea, sort of," I mumbled, not caring. I knew he'd hear me clearly. "Thanks for taking me back and taking care of me." Ugh, this reminded me of every time he did this. He was always there for me when I needed him...even if it wasn't real for him, I'd always cherish those moments. "Believe me, you really didn't need to do this. I would've been fine driving myself back."

"I'll have to respectfully disagree. I just want to make sure you're alright..."he admitted though I noticed his knuckles tighten as he gripped the steering wheel.

"I am," I lied.

"Bella, I know that's not true..." of course he knew it wasn't true. "I'm not sure why you don't seem to like me very much...but you can always talk to me. I'll always be here if you need me." Except all those words were to me was a big lie. He won't always be there! I couldn't answer him. Every inch of me wanted to scream at him for being the liar that he was but he didn't know yet how false his words were..or did he? I barely noticed as we pulled into my drive way and Edward took the keys out of the ignition and handed them to me. I thanked him and went to open my door to head to the house but he stopped me. "Please, let me..."He offered and quickly got out and came around to my side of the truck, opening the door for me.

"Thanks," I uttered and began heading towards my door but of course, tripped as soon as I tried to make my first step. I guess my break down effected me more than I thought it had. Edward caught me before I could fall onto the ground and held onto my waist tenderly, keeping me up.

"Let me get you to the door, ok?" he didn't let me respond. He simply tightened the hold around my waist so that I couldn't protest and led me to the door. Even when we got there, he refused to let me go.

"I know I've said this many times but thanks again Edward," I forced his name out as I thanked him yet again tonight. "I appreciate your help."

"It's really no problem at all Bella...it's like I already said, I want to be there for you whenever you need me..."he stared intently into my eyes, trying to figure something out but I honestly couldn't tell.

"Like a friend?" Was he trying to become my friend? This didn't work out so well the last time with him...when he wanted to try to be friends we both already knew it was more. If I allowed him this, it was an open invitation into my life and my heart, which he already had..though he didn't know it.

"Yes...Although it's probably best if we weren't friends..."he struggled with his words, of course. He was too afraid he could crush me. "But I'm not sure what it is...I just can't stay away from you Bella." He confessed. I sighed, wanting so badly to forget the heartache which waited for me if I took this path again. I just couldn't. None of it felt real anymore...not when I knew it was all a lie.

I leaned closer to him, placing my forehead against his. He instantly tensed under my touch and I knew exactly why. This was too close to my scent for him so I stood without moving for a few moments. Once I felt I had given him enough time, I looked into his eyes without pulling away..they were closed. I braced myself for what I was going to do next.

"You're right, we shouldn't be friends," I whispered to him. Hesitantly, I softly placed my lips against his...a goodbye kiss. I wanted to have a fresh memory of the kisses we shared before I told him I couldn't be his friend. His tension grew even more as soon as my lips touched his but after a moment, he relaxed and gently kissed me back. I knew he was trying "not to break me". I broke away from the kiss when I felt both of us begin to get lost in it...I couldn't do that. The kiss alone was hard enough. I looked into his eyes which were now full of wonder, joy, relief and ...love. I shook my head slightly.

"Bella.." he started to say but I cut him off before he could say anything else.

"Edward," I started...hating to have to say this. "I can't be your friend, I'm sorry."

Without letting him respond, I opened the door to my house and quickly ran in closing it behind me. I ran up to my room, slammed the door behind me and fell down leaning against the door. I couldn't believe I just gave up the love of my emptiness which had already consumed me seemed to only grow in intensity and it was my own fault. All because I was keeping myself from that heart ache while doing a favor for Edward. If my slamming the door in his face wasn't enough of a message to tell him he needed to stay away from me, I took Charlie's tools to nail the window shut. Knowing him, he would've found a way around a locked window, and considering some peaceful nights of sleep I'd had recently, he found a way in. I'd be locking my door every night as well...baracading it to keep him out.

I hated this and was unable to fight the tears that had escaped as soon as I entered my house.

**A/N: chapter slightly modified and hopefully errors were found and corrected. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!

Chapter 4

I spent the next few weeks forcing myself to avoid speaking with Edward at all costs, though I had no choice when it came to working together in Biology. Those were the only times he had that I had no say over and he used them to his advantage. He would always bring up the kiss...he would always bring up not understanding how I could kiss him but then avoid him...I could tell he was overthinking something. But as soon as the class would end, I'd rush out of the door refusing to allow him to hold me back. I made it clear that day..I could not be his friend. I wanted all of him but I already knew I couldn't have him.

While I was working on ignoring Edward as much as possible, the same did not apply to Alice. With her it was quite the opposite. We sometimes would get together during lunch and just get to know each other...or I should say...she was getting to know me but before we would part ways, she always took it upon herself to mention Edward. We still hadn't had that sleep over I agreed to having, only because I was trying to find the right time to tell Alice everything. I wondered if she'd even believe me and I doubted she would. Then another thought would try to tell me that she would...she was a vampire after all.. Vampires weren't supposed to be real yet here the Cullens were. So why not time travel or whatever you want to call what happened to me? All I can say is I was dead one minute and woke up a year in the past before it all began the next. She was becoming more impatient with me as the time went on though..she needed to know what I knew. It was a silent understanding that all the Cullens finally knew I was in on the fact there were vampires...the day they all started staring at me intently and with curiosity only confirmed they knew I knew something. I just didn't care. If Rose or Jasper wanted to eliminate whatever risk they felt I posed, I probably wouldn't stop them. They'd be doing me a favor and make all my pain stop.

"Bella, come on! We have to do this sleep over tonight!" Alice complained as we made our way to the cafeteria. Today she was going to sit with me instead of the Cullens...something she did here and there if I had decided to actually attend lunch.

"I'm not sure about that Alice," I told her. "I'm still trying to figure things out for myself."

"Well I can already tell you're doing a poor job of that!" she uttered under breath...it wasn't low enough for me not to hear. Before I could answer her, Eric made his way over to sit beside me and was quick to greet me before everyone else settled in.

"Hey Bella," Eric exclaimed, seeming more nervous than normal.

"Hi Eric," I responded, trying to be nice.

"So you know about that dance coming up next month?" He asked, avoiding eye contact. Dance...Dance...oh! That stupid dance I avoided to spend the day with Edward! I ended up having a great time...with him. But I still refused to go in this reality. My hate for dancing had not changed.

"I honestly hadn't paid attention to the fact that there was a dance coming up," I told him. "Wasn't it girls' choice or something?

"Uh...yea..."he mumbled. "I was wondering if you would ask me...maybe we could go together?" I stared at him, taken back by his request. I stated it was girls' choice for a reason! I needed an excuse and fast...what had I used last time? Oh yea...Seattle!

"Sorry Eric...I hadn't realized the dance and my trip to Seattle was scheduled on the same day so I won't be going," I lied but then had a thought...maybe that'd be the perfect day to go looking for the meadow. It would afterall be the same day I had already hiked up there...

"Oh ok, have fun in Seattle!" he told me, a fake smile clearly printed on his face. He stood up and headed towards the lunch line. I shook my head in disblief as I remembered the first time all this happened. Maybe now since that accident didn't involve me Tyler wouldn't be one of the three trying to get me to go to the dance with him. Alice sat there laughing at me and what had just happened.

"Alice, it's seriously not funny..." I told her, trying to keep myself calm and not say too much.

"You have to admit it's a little funny..."she giggled.

"No it's really not,especially when this won't be the first one to come up to me asking if I want to go with them!" I clenched my fists as I remembered Edward allowing Tyler to ask me with the stunt he pulled with the traffic jam.

"So you seem to know about this already...who else plans on asking then?" she pushed, testing me.

"Mike Newton and Tyler Crawley," I whispered to her in anger. "Though I'm hoping with that accident out of the way he Tyler won't try to ask me." She stared at me before she answered.

"Interesting...you claim you're not psychic," she mused aloud. "What are you then, from the future?" she asked, jokingly. Though as soon as she voiced her meant-to-be-just-a-joke-theory, she noticed me tense up for a moment before brushing it off. It was then she refused to prolong waiting for explanations. She hit the nail right on the head, so to speak, and she knew it.

"Ok, that's it!" she stated. "We're having that sleep over tonight and you, Bella, have serious explaining to do! I hate not knowing anything!" I couldn't help but laugh at her; I knew how true her words were.

"Alright Alice," I surrendered. Why not tell Alice? She was pretty damn closwe anyway. I've been wanting to tell her ever since I realized what had happened...I just wasn't sure how to tell her or if she'd believe me. Another factor, of course, was the family finding out and Edward. But so what if he did know? As long as I stuck to my inital decision, it wouldn't matter. He'd know of what could have been while being grateful I saved him the regret of wasting his time and having to uproot his family. "Tonight it is."

"Perfect!" she exclaimed as she jumped up and down for joy. "I'll see you tonight at 7 then, ok Bella?" I nodded my head and watched as she turned around and headed over to her table. I didn't even want to begin imagining what her family was saying to her...or what they would say when they knew my secret. I avoided eye contact the rest of the lunch period, not wanting to see their reaction toward Alice's revelation of part of my secret. The rest of the lunch period was spent with me lost in my own thoughts. I had to make sure Charlie knew Alice would be making an appearance and I had to make sure I knew what I was going to say to Alice. I wasn't as ready as I wanted to be but I had no more time to wait. Alice was persistant.

"Bella?" I heard someone call my name though I wasn't entirely sure. "Hey...Bella?" I heard again though the second time, it was enough to break me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Mike standing next to me.

"Yea?" I asked, trying to figure out what he wanted.

"You planning on going to class?" He laughed. "The bell rang...cafeteria's practically cleared out..." I couldn't believe I never heard the bell. I stood up instantly, thanking him and rushed out the door. I hadn't noticed him keep pace with me.

"Thanks for letting me know Mike," I thanked him. "I can't believe I didn't hear it."

"It's no problem..."he assured me and as we came to our Biology class, he stopped me with some time to spare. "Bella, before we go in..I wanted to asked you something..." I noticed the nervousness in his demeanor instantly...I just hope what I was assuming to be the cause of it was not the case...please, I pleaded in my mind.

"What's up?" I asked, looking back and forth between him and the open classroom door. I noticed the teacher was running late, so for that I was thankful.

"So you know how the dance is coming up in a few weeks, right?" Ugh! This was actually happening? Seriously?

"I heard about it, yea." I answered, trying my best not to show interest in the topic.

"Well I was wondering if you would like to go with me?" I cringed at the thought. I honestly, without realizing, involuntarily cringed as soon as he asked me the dreaded question I knew was coming.

"I'm going to be in Seattle that weekend, sorry..."I said, trying really hard to not say the words too fast for it to seem like I wanted to get far away from him.

"You can't go another weekend?" He pressed.

"No, sorry," I told him. "It's been planned for a while." He nodded his head in what I'm sure he wanted to pass as understanding.

"That's ok then," he said, looking at the ground. "What are you doing this weekend? Maybe you and I can go out...get to know each other better?" Of course he would ask that...I tried not to roll my eyes at how ridiculous his question was to me. And I knew very well that Edward was listening to this conversation but I tried not to let it bother me; it's not his fault vampires have super hearing.

"I'm mostly going to be getting a head start on the paper I have due in English," I started. "But I'm not really dating right now Mike." I didn't want to give him any more opportunities of getting me to go out with him in any way so I turned around and headed toward my seat. It was very difficult to avoid seeing the angry expression plastered on Edward's face. Yep...he had been listening.

As soon as I reached my seat, the teacher came in...good timing, I thought. Unfortunately, today was one of those lab days where I had no choice but to work with Edward. It was a simple assignment which mostly consisted of using our text books to answer stupid questions. I figured I didn't need Edward for this...we'd each do our own paperwork and research.

"Are you going to continue avoiding me?" I heard Edward ask, clearly annoyed. I tried not to laugh but I wasn't successful. Seeing Edward frustrated and not knowing why something was happening was slightly amusing for me.

"As long as I can help it," I told him without looking up to answer him.

"I don't understand what I could have done to make you hate me so much," he mumbled under his breath. I wondered if he intended on having me hear him. Regardless, I stayed quiet. "Bella...I can't stand not knowing...please talk to me..."

"You know, most people usually are able to realize that when someone basically tells them to their face that they don't want to be their friend, they back off," I snapped at him. I didn't want to be mean but I just couldn't help it. If being mean was what it took to get Edward to back off, then I'd have to do it here and there. I just hoped I could actually go through with it because right now...saying what I said the way I said it, it nearly broke me.

"And most people don't usually kiss you and follow a passionate kiss by saying they don't want to be friends," he countered. "You're just hiding behind that excuse."

"It wasn't and isn't an excuse!" I whispered to him, trying to remember we were in a classroom filled with students.

"Then why'd you kiss me?" he whispered back as he moved closer and closer to me. I didn't answer. If I said it was a goodbye kiss...he'd have more questions and would continue demanding answers.

"You wouldn't understand so just forget it ever happened, ok?" I insisted, mentally kicking myself for giving in to his need to have a conversation with me.

"Then help me understand," he pushed. "Obviously, what I am doesn't scare you away. You can trust me, Bella. Let me in." As soon as he told me I could trust him, I almost lost it. He most certainly could not be trusted. Not where my feelings and my heart were concerned.

"Believe me when I tell you this," I started, looking him right in the eyes. I tried ignoring the pain and hurt I saw there at what I was doing to him; to us. "You made it very clear to me that you are the last person I can trust. I will not make the mistake of letting you in again."

"Again?" he asked, confused. "Bella, we need to discuss this further. Let me meet you at your place after the school day is over; we'll figure everything out. I'm sure whatever you think happened is just a misunderstanding. We'll get passed it...we can be together."

"You made it clear on more than one occasion that we shouldn't be friends Edward," I reminded him through my anger. "I'm giving you what you always wanted. Please return the same courtesy and stay away from me." I felt my heart breaking all over again as I said those words. I had to make sure he couldn't see past the lie. He always told me I was a bad actress; but this was one act I needed to successfully play no matter how much it broke me.

"Bella...I can't stay away from you like you want me to do. Especially not after you kissed me, which to be honest, wasn't the smartest thing. But at the same time, you helped me realize something I never thought possible," I rolled my eyes at him. He was always underestimating his control!

"Don't even Edward," I responded.

"Don't want?" he asked, clearly confused. "I'm not safe for you to be around...which you already know. Though I'm afraid I'm incredibly selfish and need to be around you."

"You're not safe to be around?" I inquired...more annoyed hearing him say this a second time. Yes, this time he rephrased himself but that's typically what happens when you change the outcome of the past.

"No...I'm not," he pushed. "I can't completely disagree with you when you say we shouldn't be friends...but after that kiss...Bella, I just can't stay away from you..."

"Should I remined you...again, that you are the one who pushed us not being friends? I find the confidence you have in yourself to be ridiculous Edward." I told him, knowing he wouldn't entirely understand why I said it.

"Clearly I was wrong, but I wouldn't be take my strength so lightly Bella..." he mused and I heard the saddness in his voice. He truly believed he wasn't strong enough...I hadn't noticed so much of the time had passed until the bell rang. Today, I wasn't in such a rush to leave. Especially when I had one thing left to say to Edward before I left for gym. I stood up after gathering my things...Edward did the same though his gaze never left mine. He stood, staring at me, waiting to see what I would do next.

"You have more control over yourself than you think." I told him and as soon as I had, I turned around to leave. Of course, Edward followed in suit.

"Why would you say that?" he asked as I continued my way to gym class. "You act as though you know firsthand how my self control is around you..."

"Because it's the truth. It's incredibly irritating hearing you say you're not safe when it's not true at all." I told him. I cursed myself for giving in and actually talking to him. I knew I shouldn't have answered him in class...this only gave him the confidence he needed to break through my routine. "You would never physically hurt me." Emotionally...mentally...that's another story, I added in my mind. I was thankful in that moment he couldn't read my mind.

"Except that it is true," he corrected. "You've just shown me I may be able to have some control..." By now, we had reached the girls locker room, for which I was thankful. I needed to get away from this conversation and the locker room was the one place Edward would not follow me. I turned to look at him before giving him my final answer.

"I understand a lot more than you realize," I said as I stared intently into his eyes. I could've sworn a hint of panic appeared in his features. "And contrary to your expectations of me running away scared, I'm not afraid of you. But I will give you what you've always wanted. I'm staying away from you." I'm more afraid of your ability to break my heart, I added in my mind. I couldn't look at him anymore...for the once again his words rang clear in my mind as if he was saying them to me all over again.

_"You're not good for me Bella_."

I shook my head at the words, shaking my head trying to get rid of them while trying to fight the tears. I refused to let him see this and have him ask more questions than necessary. I turned around and headed into the locker room and focused on getting ready for gym. Today we were forced to play volleyball..I had to admit I enjoyed playing but it was a disadvantage considering I tripped over flat surfaces easily. Angela, Ben, Eric, Lauren and Mike had been put on my team...I just hoped they wouldn't be too angry with my lack of skills.

"So you were talking to Cullen." Mike stated when the team got together on our court.

"Yea." I replied, not interesting in discussing Edward or anything else for that matter with Mike.

"Something going on between you two?"He asked, failing to keep his angry under control.

"No." I told him. I had no reason to justify my actions to Mike of all people. He was really starting to get on my nerves.

"So you two aren't dating?"He pushed.

"Nope." I looked up to glare at him...silently warning him to back off.

"Then what was he talking about you kissing him and coming over your place later?" he stared down at me with fury in his his and reflexively, my right hand clenched into a fist.

"You know its rude to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?" I said through clenched teeth. 1...2...3...

"You know its rude to lie to people and say you're not dating when clearly you are..."he retorted.

"Not that I have to explain myself to you...but I wasn't lying when I said I wasn't dating anyone." I spat in his face. 4..5...6...

"But you don't deny kissing him?"he pushed.

"I'm sorry...I don't remember it saying somewhere I had to explain my actions to you of all people Mike." 7...8...

"You shouldn't waste your time on someone like him anyway." He lectured. 9...

"I think I'll stick to making my own decisions, thanks." I told him. "And last time I checked, there isn't a rule saying you had to be dating someone to kiss them."

"Oh, really?"he questioned and I nodded my head. He took that moment upon himself to forcefully take my face between his hands and press his lips roughly onto mine...10...that just about did it. I pushed him away, seeing the smirk on his face as he tried to go in for round two. This time, I swung my hand back and punched him in the face. I didn't know I had that my force behind my force but with that one hit, he went down. I watched as he rolled on the ground, holding his nose crying out in pain.

"Don't you ever touch me again!" I screamed at him as the entire gym class hundled around us, watching the scene before them. Luckily, I didn't get into trouble with the gym teacher seeing as he had heard and seen the entire thing. Instead, I got a pat on the back and was congratulated for standing up for myself. It turned out that I had broken his nose..not my aim but that served him right. I was still pretty worked up after it all happened though. I was sent to the nurse's office briefly to get ice for my hand even though I insisted I didn't need it. I guess I was thankful for being sent out since it was a way of getting out of gym. I bumped into Alice on my way out to the lot...the end of the school bell was due any moment.

"Bella hey!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey Alice," the irritation was still in my voice, I could tell. She frowned when she noticed it as well but grew concerned when she saw the ice on my hand.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked, taking a look at it to examine it as we made our way to my truck.

"It's just a little sore, nothing big. No broken bones or anything," I assured her. We now stood outside my truck so since I was still talking to Alice, I put my book bag in it and turned my attention back to her. I knew she needed more details.

"Broken bones or not...why does your hand now require an ice bag?" she demanded as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Well..." I started to say but was interrupted when someone called my name. Alice and I both turned in the direction of the voice...It was Tyler. "Ugh, please not again!" I mumbled to myself, knowing Alice heard me since she started giggling.

"Hey Bella," Tyler greeted me when he finally made his way over. "Alice..." he said awkardly.

"Tyler." We both said in unision.

"Bella...I heard about what you did at gym today and I have to say, you were incredible!" he exclaimed.

"Word spreading around quickly...why am I not surprised..."I rolled my eyes. Of course it'd be around school already. He laughed...I wasn't trying to amuse him. I was even more irritated now.

"Anyways...I came over hear to say good job.."he hesitated.

"Thanks." I told him.

"And to see if you wanted to go to the dance with me?" I knew it!

"Again, thanks for the offer but I'll be out of town." I tried really hard to control my anger this time. He didn't deserve to get hit too.

"That's ok...there's always prom..." he said and then I remembered. The last time he said that he went around telling people I was his prom date..and then he had the audacity to show up at my house when I was already with Edward! There was no way I was going to let him dellude himself again.

"No...I'm not going to prom with you Tyler," I told him, not caring if it sounded mean. I never said I'd go anywhere with him the first time around...why would that even change?

"Oh...see you around I guess," he walked away defeated. As soon as he was out of sight, Alice burst into laughter.I glared at her.

"Alice...trust me on this...it's not funny!" I said.

"Why not...I thougth it was..." she continued laughing. "What was he praising you for anyway? What'd you do at gym?"

"I broke Mike Newton's nose." I told her as I turned to open my truck. I wanted to get out of there.

"Wait...you broke his nose? Why?"she pouted, probably upset she didn't see any of this herself.

"Because he had the nerve to kiss..he's lucky I didn't break his legs along with his nose! Aggressive, jealous asshole!" I felt my anger building once more at the memory of what happened at gym. I took a deep breath to try to get control over myself.

"You're leaving already?" she asked, clearly wanting more specifics.

"Yes, I have to make sure Charlie knows your coming over tonight and all that..." I sighed as I remembered I'd be coming clean tonight. I took a glance over at the volvo, noticing all the Cullens there though I didn't bother to try to figure out why some wore amused expressions while others were confused...Edward, however, looked beyond pissed. "And tell Edward I don't need him handling what happened with Mike like he's standing over there planning on doing. I took care of it myself for a change." she nodded her head, knowing not to question me and I took off.

Getting Charlie to agree to Alice coming over was no problem at all. In fact, he was glad I was making friends though he wasn't sure where she'd sleep. Considering I couldn't tell him she didn't sleep at all..I told him I'd worry about it when the time came for it. Apparently though, Charlie was going over to La Push for most of the night to catch up with Billy Black. He was disappointed I wouldn't be going but I was more than fine with staying where I was. I made sure he had a good dinner before he left as well and I walked him to the door.

"You're sure you don't want to come?" he pushed, once more. "Jacob's been wanting to see you..."

"I'm positive..besides I have plans with my friend...I'm not about to be rude and abruptly cancel dad.." he nodded his head in agreement and with that he was out the door. Not even a second after he drove off, Alice appeared in the doorway.

"I hope you're ready for tonight Bella!" she exclaimed as she welcomed herself in the house and headed towards the stairs. "Your room is the second to the left right?" I nodded and followed her up. When she first came into the house, I didn't notice the extra large bag she brought with her and I almost feared what she had in store for the "sleep" over. Though in a way...maybe I could use whatever she wanted to do as a distraction.

"Ok, sit." she ordered and I did as she said, taking a seat on my bed across from her. We sat for a few moments in silence before either of us spoke again. "Now...spill."

"I don't even know where to begin.." I admitted.

"From the beginning of it all would be a good start..."she teased. I stared at her, thinking for a few moments and then I noticed that bag again.

"What's in the bag?" I asked, feigning curiosity.

"No way am I going to let you distract me from this Bella..spill!" she scolded.

"You'll think I'm crazy..."I warned her.

"Well, we're all alittle crazy in our own ways right? So go ahead..."she scolded. I could tell it would be pointless to try to go against Alice; she always got her way. I took a deep breath before starting...it was now or never.

"Ok...here it goes," I started. "So...you were right earlier, about being from the future. All of this, it's all happened already for me..." I looked at her, trying to see what'd she say to that.

"What do you mean?" she asked, clearly confused.

"I mean I've already gone through all this...I've already had my first day at Forks High...I've already met Edward...I've already met the whole Cullen family...I've already dealt everything that happens up until December of next year..."

"If you already went through it all...how is it your back to the start of it all?" she questioned.

"Well that...I don't understand. All I know is one minute everything's dark and the next I wake up and it's my first day of Forks High all over again..." I told her. "The only thing that makes sense to me is that I went back in time...there's no other explanation."

"Alright..."she said.

"That's it?" that couldn't be all that she had to say.

"Well no of course...I want to know EVERYTHING ...and don't you dare keep anything out Bella!" she beamed, though I wasn't as excited.

"Well, the typical first week stuff that happened recently is what happened when I first experienced it...except I wasn't so stand offish and I didn't roll my eyes everytime Edward would tense up around me. You and I never got to offically meet until Edward brought me home to meet the family..officially," I explained.

"So wait...you knew about..."she paused, unsure if it was safe to reveal her secret to me.

"About you guys being vampires? yes. From the moment I arrived at the high school, I knew everything. I know Edward can read minds...though he can't read mine which I'm sure he's figured out by now," Alice nodded her head, unable to surpress her laughter at that. "I know about your visions, about Jasper and his mood control thing...anything else you can think of...I probably already know it."

"So what was going on with you and Edward?" she pressed. I knew she'd come to this and this would probably be one of the hardest things for me to admit.

"We were inlove, we were together...in whatever sense of the word you can interpret for us. It was much more than a simple relationship. He was my everything...my life...my reason for being," I could already feel the tears starting to betray me.

"I'm confused.."Alice stated. "What do you mean were?"

"Alice...I really don't want to go there..."I urged.

"No...please Bella..I need to know everything..."she insisted though I knew she wasn't doing this to hurt me.

"I say were because he left. All of you left, not too long after my eighteenth birthday." I told her.

"But...I don't understand. You two are meant to be together...even right now he knows and feels it. It makes no sense for why he would just leave and take us with him...and to leave you behind..."she stared out into space, trying to make sense of it. I knew I'd be filling in the blanks for her.

"Well...you threw me a party for my eighteenth and let's just say a paper cut led to a lot of other things that none of us ever wanted to be faced with..Jasper couldn't control himself...Emmett was able to get him out of there but Edward had pushed me back and out of the way and well...my arm got cut on glass..."I explained.

"Oh no...Bella, Jasper would never hurt you! Never intentionally and none of us would ever let that happen!"she exclaimed, clearly taken back by the event.

"I know...Edward wasn't as convinced. I guess that just put things into perspective for him and he realized he didn't want me," I added.

"That's ridiculous! Of course he wants you!" I denied what I said about Edward's feelings to be true.

"No Alice...he doesn't and didn't. According to Edward I'm not good for him. I don't belong in his world. I'm a human...these feelings I have will pass. It's nothing in comparison to how vampires feel...that's the cliff notes version of course." I acted like it was no big deal when in reality, every time I would bring this up it would cut through me all over again.

"That's not true! Bella, how could you fall for that!" she fumed.

"Because Alice, it never made sense for him to love me and I didn't fall for anything except the lies that he wanted me. I was stupid to think he ever did," I told her. She stared at me for a long while before continuing.

"There's more...I know there is...what happened before you woke up into this reality?" she asked. I sighed, knowing this part would be inevitable.

"Well...you'd all been gone for 3 months..." I started but she cut me off.

"So we came back?"she asked, excited at the thought. I simply shook my head no and she let me continue.

"And I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't me anymore Alice. The pain was too much...the memories haunted me everywhere I went...I was empty. He didn't just leave and take you all with him...he took my soul, my life and I couldn't live anymore. What I was doing wasn't living..."I looked down on my bed, refusing to look at Alice's reaction.

"Bella...you didn't...well you know...did you?"she asked, taken back. I looked up at her determined to get this out.

"I jumped off a cliff during a storm...the waves took me down fast and then everything went black," I told her, feeling ashamed. "Then I woke up and here I was and I can't for the life of me understand why I'd be brought back here!" Alice caught me off guard when she pulled me into a hug. After a few minutes she pulled back to look me straight in the eye.

"Don't you EVER do that again Bella!" she ordered. "Do you understand me?" I nodded my head, though I couldn't make the promise. We sat in silence for a few minutes when something appeared to click in Alice's mind.

"I'm afraid to ask what you're thinking..." I said nervously.

"Bella...you've been given a second chance, don't you see!" she went on, excited about something. "You and Edward have your chance to be together all over again! You both love each other...you can make it work this time around! This is so great!" Alice was alone celebrating this thought. There was no way I was going to go through it again.

"And endure the pain of him leaving me all over again? Endure standing there as the love of my life tells me I'm not good for him? Our entire relationship turned out to be a lie Alice! Nothing you say or Edward says will tell me otherwise because in a few months...it would happen all over again and I"m sorry, I'm doing all of us a favor by keeping my distance from him." I stated. There was no way I could put myself through that and there was no way the Cullen family would be uprooted because of me.

"When did you decide that you were going to keep your distance Bella?"she asked, curious.

"The same day I first saw him all over again. I"m sorry, I just refuse to be the reason you all end up leaving Forks. This is what is best for everyone." I told her.

"Well I guess that explains why he's the last Cullen you'd trust," she muttered more to herself. "So, everything you're doing this time around...it's different in a way compared to how it all really happened?" she mused.

"Yes, you can say I'm changing my past a little bit here and there," I admitted.

"Oh...like what?" Alice was back to finding the information fascinating, though knowing her, she wasn't going to give up on my relationship or lack there of with Edward.

"Let's see..." I mused. "So far...hitting Mike was new...the day Tyler's van crashed...I definitely changed that around. Originally that van was headed towards me and Edward instinctively saved me though I noticed how not a second before he was across the lot...that's what started my suspicions I guess. From there he started avoiding me...telling me it was best we weren't friends...Based on the time line, Jessica and Angela are going to ask me to go to Port Angeles with them to dress shop whereas my true intentions was to get a book about the "Cold Ones"-don't ask," I paused. "And then I get lost and a group of guys surrounded me until Edward came to my rescue. He took me out to dinner and that night...that's when I confessed I knew and that it didn't matter. From there everything works out well until the nomads show up during the baseball game. Which...you may want to pay attention to because one of them is a tracker and I become his prey." It was a lot to take in, I knew this. But I was so relieved I could finally have someone to share it with. Even though it was all out there for Alice to know, I needed desperately to get my mind off of everything. I even agreed to Alice giving me a make over. Normally I would never do that and I warned her not to let it get to her head..hopefully she wouldn't but then again, I knew Alice all too well.

"So you know the family is going to hear about this eventually right?" Alice asked as she worked on my hair.

"Yea but I figured I'd leave it up to you to share...Edward will see it all in your mind and you two can take it from there," I told her. There was no way I was reliving all that again. With Alice, I was able to. But with everyone else, there just was no way it was going to happen. "I'm sure they've all been waiting impatiently to find out how it is I knew about you all being vampires. And Alice..."

"Hmm?" she asked, keeping her focus on my hair.

"Don't go planning for me and Edward to be together in this reality...knowing what I know, there is just no way I believe he loves me," I told her. She made no sign of showing she truly acknowledged what I had to say which irritated me. "I mean it...I can't do that again, I won't." And for the rest of that night, we spent time getting to know each other, talking about our friendship and watching movies. It almost felt like a real sleep over which in a way, you could say that it was.

"Bella...how can you be so sure that you didn't get sent back here specifically to be with Edward once again?" she asked, feigning a look of innocence.

"That's simple," I started. "He never wanted me. If he had, he wouldn't have said the things he did or done what he did. And he definitely wouldn't have decided what was best for me without taking into consideration what it was that I wanted."

"Oh silly Bella," I shook her head. "From everything you've told me and from everything I know in this time...Edward basically lied to you when he said he didn't want to be with you. He needed you to believe him so he could leave and give you a chance at a human life...one without so much supernatural things. Trust me, I've known him a long time. And besides...you two are most definitely destined to be together. "She smirked.

"Why would you say that?" this wasn't the first time she had to bring that up. Clearly she didn't see fully how difficult it truly was for me to stay away from Edward. I was going completely against what my heart desired.

"Because if you weren't, I believe that stupid decision you made would've actually stuck. You wouldn't have woken up a year earlier..on the day you started Forks High and were reacquainted with your true love," she winked.

"There was no life without him, hence the cliff Alice." I didn't add in there that there still would be no life without him, though instantly Alice stilled.

"Bella...don't you dare repeat what you did on that cliff! If I have to moniter you for the rest of your life I will! Don't doubt me!"she ordered.

"Alright Alice." I told her...and made the instant decision not to do that again. She relaxed almost instantly and continued working on my hair. "So you're going to tell them everything?"

"Yes I will...as soon as I get back, though I think you should be the one to do it." I answered.

"It's better if you do," I told her. "I hope you understand why." She nodded in understanding. Conversation seemed to die down after we settled everything. However I knew when I went back to school Monday that the Cullens would already be informed of my secret. Alice and I agreed it would be for the best that they know and hopefully, Carlisle could do research and try to make sense out of why I was back in this time. I was thoroughly convinced it was not to rekindle my relationship with Edward. I just hoped that once he knew about us, he would respect my need to distance myself and would not pursue me. I knew it'd be close to impossible to deny him...I wanted to be with him so badly. But when I would be reminded of what happened...what I did as a result...I just had to stay away. It was better for everyone, or so I was trying to convince myself.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!

Chapter 5

I woke up Monday morning thinking I'd be ready for school and ready to deal with how the Cullens would react about me knowing everything about them and about how I was more or less a part of their family until Edward left me. I already knew Rosalie wouldn't be welcoming me though I still didn't understand what her problems with me were. Regardless, when I woke up and tried getting out of bed, I was overcome with so much pain. I was blindsided by it. I knew my muscles were still sore after that fall and waking up back here but I thought it was getting better. It wasn't as difficult pretending to be fine everyday since the pain began to subside. But this morning...it seemed to come back tenfold and moving around was extremely difficult. It was still early so I knew Charlie would be home; I decided to tell him I needed to stay in today. Whatever this was would pass, I was sure of it but I needed to take it easy today. I...barely and painfully...made my way down the stairs to see Charlie sitting at the kitchen table drinking his morning coffee.

"Morning dad," I managed to get out, pain evident behind my voice. I place both hands on the counter for support but even that motion didn't get off easy.

"Morning," he responded before looking up at me and seeing the state I was in. "Are you alright Bells?"

"No dad, I'm extremely sore this morning...it hurts to move around," I told him. "I guess the extreme body workout I did during the week is starting to catch up to me big time...do you think I can sleep it off today?" He eyed me, thinking before he finally agreed. To say I was thankful for this would be an understatement. Not only was I escaping a day of school that I knew would be terrible due to my sudden immobility but I was escaping a day of facing the Cullens after they would have been informed. Seemed like a win, win to me. A few moments after Charlie said I could stay home, he had to leave for work. Now all I had to do was manage to get myself back up the stairs. I had thought getting down the stairs was the hardest part...I knew I'd be wrong with that. But before as I managed to get to the first step, the door bell rang. I instantly cursed whoever it was at the door because I knew how difficult it would be for me to even reach the door without being overcome with the pain.

"Who is it?" I called out, hoping they could come in if I told them they could.

"It's Alice!" I heard from the door.

"Come in, door's open," I said quietly this time. I knew she'd hear me without difficulty. As soon as I granted her permission she walked in; she failed to mention Jasper was with her. I didn't have a problem with him being here though. I was never mad at him for what happened.

"Hey Bella, you know Jasper don't you?" Alice smirked while I rolled my eyes at her.

"Hi Jasper," I said, staying where I was by the first step. The less I moved, the better.

"Hello Bella...it's a pleasure to meet you," he said politely. "again...I pressume." I nodded in agreement, knowing officially that the Cullens had been informed over the weekend. I could see in his eyes something was bothering him...possibly the knowledge of what he had done at my birthday party but that was just a guess. I just hoped he wasn't picking up on how much pain I'm in.

"It's nice to see you again," I reassured him. "Feel free to take a seat if you'd like," I told them both. Without thinking about it they both took a seat on the couch, still not paying close attention to my place by the stairs.

"So Bella, we wanted to see if you wanted a ride to school today," Alice started. "But then I saw you weren't going in today but Jasper and I wanted to come see you anyway. The others don't know though..."

"I'm not avoiding you if that's what you think," I told her.

"Well I sure hope not!"she scowled as she crossed her arms. "Why don't you come over here and sit with us? Then you can tell us why you just decided to stay home."

"I can tell you from over here, you know..."I tried avoiding having to mention the pain for as long as I possibly could. Though as I stood watching them and as I spoke with Alice, I noticed Jasper trying to figure something out.

"Bella...I know we've met and have known each other for a while based on what Alice has told us but I hope I don't overstep my bounds when I ask you this..."Jasper started, trying to say the right words. "But, I'm sensing an extraordinary amount of pain from you...is something wrong?"

"Of course something is wrong with her, she's giving up the love of her life because she's convinced herself he doesn't want her because he stupidly lied about it!" Alice answered for me, though that wasn't exactly something I would've answered with. She saw passed my facade though.

"I'm not refering to emotional pain Alice,"Jasper told her, then looked back to me. "I'm sensing an incredible amount of physical pain...as though you were in some sort of accident that's had severe effects on your body. I don't understand how you're able to tolerate it."

I thought for a few moments how to respond. Of course, on some level I had expected Jasper to sense the pain I was feeling. It was impossible to hide it from him but what was I really supposed to say? I had no explanatoin behind this pain and I didn't want it open for discussion and I certainly didn't want to be taken over to see Carlisle for him to run tests. I bet there wasn't anything wrong though. I just assumed my muscles were sore because nothing had happened to caused there to be problems...not in this reality at least.

"I'm honestly not sure why you're feeling that because I feel fine," I told them both. In order to completely convince them, I forced myself to move from my standing position and sit down on the couch. I had to keep reminding myself to not flinch or cry out in pain with every step I took, even more so when I started to take my seat. If I managed to do that without indicating any pain, then they would drop it.

"Bella...are you sure you're not just trying to cover it up?" Jasper asked as he stared at me intently...I was sure the pain had crept its way to my face here and there. Even if I remained calm, the pain was still there. I did the only thing I could think of...something I wanted so badly to not ever have to do but I allowed all of my good memories of Edward resurface. I thought about everything we had done together, everything we'd talked about, every touch and every laugh...just enough for Jasper to not be able to detect any pain. The happiness seemed to make me forget about the pain I was feeling and as soon as it set in, I saw Jasper relax. He believed it and that was enough for now.

"Like I said, I'm fine," I told him, allowing a smile to form on my face. The thoughts of Edward just made me miss him even more.

"So why aren't you going to school then?" Alice asked once again.

"I just couldn't sleep the other night so I wanted to stay in, catch up and come to school tomorrow refreshed," I told them,hoping they were buying my lie. I was never really good at lying but in this case, I needed them to believe it. I didn't need unnecessary worrying.

"Oh...well that's ok then," Alice said and gave me smile. I wanted so badly at that moment to sign in relief but they'd catch that. I wondered if they planned on staying here the entire day, which I normally wouldn't have minded but I wasn't sure how long I could keep up the facade of not being in pain. Just then, thankfully I might add, Alice checked her watch. "We should go before the others get suspicious." I nodded my head in understanding as I forced myself to stand up to say goodbye. As soon as they were out the door, I turned to head back up the stairs, ignoring the pain with each step I took. I sat down on my bed, relieved the facade was over but was startled when Alice showed up at my bedroom door.

"Hey, you scared me!" I exclaimed, completely taken back by her sudden appearance.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," she said as she made her way over to sit beside me on the bed. "I just really needed to talk to you before I left, Jasper went on without me."

"Ok...?" A part of me already suspected it would be about Edward. I was almost surprised when they never mentioned what happened the other night when she told everyone but I finally understood. Or at least I was starting to.

"I think it's obvious that I told everyone what we discussed the other night..." she started. "Of course, everyone is completely taken back as to how this is even possible and Carlisle immediately hit the books. But while he's busy doing that...everyone wants to get to know you...again," she laughed after she said that part. I wasn't surprised that Carlisle would start doing research about what happened to me though I didn't know if I actually wanted answers. I had my own I was sticking to...it was to give Edward that clean break he had wanted without wasting his time until he realized that's what he wanted. Clearly he regretted ever pursuing a relationship with me and this was fate giving me the chance to give him what he wanted from the beginning.

"That's fine I guess..."I wasn't sure if Edward was included with everyone. I also wasn't sure if being friends with him is something I could bring myself to do. I needed as much seperation as possible because I knew that no matter how much I tried, I'd never get over him. I was better off never waking up at a second chance. I thought it'd be better giving him what he wanted but it was worse knowing it hadn't happened yet.

"I should also give you a heads up about Edward..."she hesitated, eyeing me trying to see if I would be able to handle what she wanted to warn me about. I smiled, trying to encourage her to continue. "He's upset...typical Edward and beating himself up over what he did to you. He finally gets why you've been acting the way you have been towards him but he says he isn't giving up on you...but don't tell him I told you that." Why was he not going to give up? I was doing him a favor by keeping him at arms length!

"He really shouldn't try Alice, you can tell him I said that." I told her, trying really hard not to break down in front of her.

"Bella, why not?" she asked. I saw the confusion on her face and I understood it. But I needed her on my side with this. "Stop being so stubborn! You know you want to be with him. So be with him...you have the chance to be together and write a new future for yourselves."

"I'm giving him what he wants by doing this." I knew this was more me convincing myself that this was the true reason and it was, wasn't it? I just couldn't go back and let things be the way they were only to have him leave me again. Having that happen in one reality was enough for me. I didn't survive it the first time, I knew I couldn't a second time either. I could tell Alice had more to say but I needed time alone. I needed to prepare myself and figure out why I was in so much unexplainable pain. "I think I'm going to catch up on some sleep, ok? I don't want to have to miss another day tomorrow."

"We both know I won't let that happen," she smirked at me before heading back out the door. Once I was alone and in the clear, I did my best to get comfortable in my bed. Each movement I made didn't go without a rush of pain surging through my body and again, left me with confusion as to why it was there to begin with. I hoped that the next morning would be better but only time would tell.

I struggled falling asleep that night. The pain was too much and my mind was full of various thoughts I couldn't sort them all. But worse of all, I heard an annoying tapping sound coming consistently from my window. Against my better judgement, I went over and moved the curtains out of the way to see what was going on. I should've known he'd be there, trying to get in. He gestured to the window, silently asking me to let him in. I simply crossed my arms and shook my head no. They were nailed shut for a reason.

I saw him sigh in frustration and take out a notepad with a marker. Lovely, now we were writing messages to each other?

** Please let me in...we really need to talk about all of this. **

I read his message silently. I didn't need a marker and paper to talk back to him, he'd hear me just fine.

"The window is nailed shut for a reason," I told him, keeping my voice down to avoid waking Charlie up. "It's to keep you from sneaking in here."

**I suspected as much...I guess now I know why you've been acting the way you have. But now that it's out in the open, we can work it out. Be together.**

" I thought I told you to stay away," I hissed. "How is you knowing the truth going to suddenly mean we'll be together? Especially after everything!?"

**Bella, it was an accident. They happen, you learn from it and move on. This is our chance to learn and move on. Be happy together...**

"How dare you call what happened an accident? What you did is unforgiveable!?" I nearly shouted. I saw confusion all over his face at my words, not understanding why I'd say them. How was it so confusing? He knew the truth. He should know better than to treat this like it's a little accident we could get passed. "How could you even think I would willingly put myself in such a position again, only to have the same outcome play itself out! You really are selfish! Stay away from me Edward!" I didn't give him the chance to write down his response. I closed the curtains and went back to my bed, trying really hard to calm myself down. I couldn't believe the things he had written me. How dare he!

At six in the morning my alarm was once again going off and I was hesitant of reaching over to shut it off. My entire night consisted of pain with each toss and turn that came as I slept. Though instinctively, I still reached out to shut it off and was surprised when the pain I expected to feel didn't come. In a fast motion, I sat up. I wanted to dance around the room to celebrate that pain being gone. That was, until I got out of bed and needed to sit back down. It seemed the pain which I had throughout my body decided to shift and now resided as a migrane. I wouldn't let it hold me back today though, I had to get to school and try to avoid Edward at all costs.

So, just like any other day, I grabbed my toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom to shower. Once I was refreshed and dressed for school, I headed down to the kitchen in hopes of taking medicine for my migrane and a quick bite to eat.

"Morning Bells," my dad greeted me as I made my way into the kitchen. I was honestly surprised to see him. Normally at this time he had already left for the station.

"Hey dad," I didn't turn to look at him since I was on a time limit. Instead I continued getting what I needed so I could go.

"How are you feeling today? Better?" he asked.

"Stiffness is gone. Now I just have a migrane," I told him as I took motrin out of the cabinet.

"Migrane, huh..."he uttered, mostly to himself but I still heard. "Bells, if you're starting to get sick, I want you to go see a doctor ok?"

"Ok dad, but I'll be fine," I grabbed an apple. "I'll see you after work."

Today was yet another rainy day, though while I'm sure I preferred for it to be one of those sunny days that kept the Cullens out of school, I was grateful for the lack of sun. I knew if the sun was out and shining, I wouldn't have made it past my drive way with how the brightness would have hurt my eyes. I hid it well in the kitchen but the closer I got to the school I knew if the medicine didn't kick it, I'd be miserable all day. And it was exactly as I predicted it would be. I suffered through all of my morning classes and I wasn't sure how much more suffering I could take. All I knew is I needed to get to every class considering I missed a whole day yesterday. The medicine did nothing. My migrane just continued to get worse and by lunchtime, I was ready to rip someone's head off-metaphorically speaking of course. I stood in line with Jessica, waiting to grab something from the lunchline though I wasn't even that hungry. I felt sick.

"Edward Cullen is looking at you," Jessica whispered to me. I didn't want to look but I couldn't help myself. I looked over at the Cullen table only to see he wasn't there with them, even though they were all looking my way-Alice with a big smile on her face. Either she was pretending the conversation I had with Edward last night didn't happen...or it wasn't a big deal to her and she felt we should still be together. That's when I remembered the day he first chose to sit away from the Cullens' and gave up trying to stay away from me. He had chosen a different table and wanted me to come over to sit with him that time...yet again, he did this. I looked at him, seeing the pain and hurt in his eyes. He gestured for me to come sit with him but I couldn't handle that right now, especially not after the previous night. I couldn't think straight with this damn migrane. Instead of going over to him, I followed Jessica to our usual table and sat there as everyone else joined the table.

"So did you guys hear about our Bio lab today?" Mike asked everyone as he took his seat across from me.

"We don't have some like, pop quiz or anything do we?" Jessica asked, clearly annoyed already at the thought.

"No, better than that! We're bloodtyping!" he exclaimed. He was acting like a little kid at Christmas morning at the news, which to me, made no sense. Instead, I remembered the first time we had to do this and how quickly I got sick as soon as someone pricked their finger. Mike had to take me to the nurses office but I couldn't get there...I needed to sit from how sick I was...and then of course, Edward came to the rescue and carried me the entire way there. Not this time! I couldn't believe I had forgotten about the bloodtyping though...I would definitely be skipping Biology next period. I needed a get away though. This migrane kept getting worse by the minute.

"And how do you know that?" Eric chimed in.

"A friend of mine had that lab already earlier and gave me a heads up," he shrugged his shoulders. "Hey what's his problem?" Mike gestured behind me and of course, everyone looked to see who he was referring to. I already knew but looked anyway. Edward still sat there, alone at the table as though he thought I would change my mind and sit with him. I wouldn't.

"I don't think I've ever seen Edward look that angry before," Jessica commented, though I knew he wasn't angry. That was Edward beating himself up over everything that had happened between us in my reality. He was probably wallowing over the fact that I jumped off a cliff because he left. He felt guilty, not angry. "It's kinda hot.." she added. Immediately, my hand balled into a fist underneath the table. Even though I was ensuring our seperation, I still felt a bit possessive over the man I loved.

"You would say that," Mike laughed at Jessica, though this clearly angered her. I knew she liked Mike,even in this reality.

"What's that supposed to mean?"she asked, crossing her arms. But before he could say anything, the bell for the next period rang and everyone was out of their seats headed towards the doors. With the crowd piling around the door which led outside, I took this as my opportunity to leave without anyone-including the Cullens-seeing me. I was not setting foot into that Biology room while they were blood typing. Instead, I headed over to my truck to lay down inside. I'd be away from all noise, lighting, anything that helped the migrane cause me pain.

I didn't even get five minutes of solitude before a knock came from my window. I glanced up from my position and saw it was Edward. Of course he'd be here. I sat up and motioned for him to come around the other end. Not a second later, he was on the passenger side and I was being stupid by letting him into my truck.

"I never pegged you for the ditching class type," he said, obviously trying to break the ice.

"I'm not."

"Then why are you out here instead of in Bio?" I could tell it was more curiosity behind his question..as though trying to get to know me in this reality.

"Blood typing," was all I said to him.

"You get sick around blood?" he asked, surprised. This reminded me a lot of the first time we had this conversation.

"Yes, I can't stand the smell of it," I told him but quickly went to add something before he commented on it. "But before you scrunch your face and say humans can't smell blood, I can. It smells like salt and rust and it makes me sick." I looked over at him to see the expression on his face. He looked taken back until understanding grew on his features.

"I take it we've had this conversation before?" he asked.

"Yes."

"So did you skip first originally?"

"No, I didn't take your advice that time," I told him, trying not to smile at the memory.

"What advice was that?"

"That sometimes it's healthy to ditch classes." he didn't respond right away after I told him that. I wasn't pushing for him to say anything either. I wanted silence and all the talking was making things worse for me. I thought maybe he'd take the hint that I didn't want to talk, but I thought wrong. Of course.

"So why wouldn't you sit with me at lunch?" he asked. I thought I could hear the desperation in his voice.

"I told you to stay away from me."

"We both know I can't do that..." he pushed.

"You're capable of a lot of things Edward, especially when you set your mind to it," I retorted. "Leave me alone. I have a migrane, so I prefer silence and dark lighting compared to noise and lit rooms."

"Bella...we do have a lot we should talk about. Last night didn't exactly go the way I had planned. And I don't want to just be your friend...I can't stand not being with you..." I cut him off before he could finish. I couldn't sit here and hear these words from him. Not when I needed to keep him away.

"Edward..I already told you where I stand. I'm not going to change my mind." I told him, trying my best to sound sure of my decision. I was never able to fool him in my reality...I hoped it was the same in this one. I didn't look at him as we sat in awkard silence. I felt his eyes on me but I wouldn't give in to the temptation to see his face.

"Bella, I don't understand why your doing this..I can see it's not what you what...but we've been given this second chance to make things work, why do you want to throw it all away?" I could hear the pain behind his voice but instead of allowing myself to feel remorse for my actions and decisions, I was angry. No, I was beyond it. Why do I _want_ to throw it all away? I couldn't believe he had the nerve to say it was what I wanted. I was giving him what he wanted and I was saving him from all of his regret! He truly was masochistic! He wanted to pursue a relationship with me...knowing that not even a year from now he would be telling me I wasn't good enough for him and breaking my heart. He wanted me to suffer! I wanted to hit him and I would've if it would have actually done damage to him.

"You think I WANT all of this? You think I enjoy inflicting this torture on you and myself? This is what you wanted! Get out!" I said through my teeth. By now my hand was gripping tightly to the steering wheel and I could see my knuckles turning white.

"What?" he asked, clearly taken back.

"Get out of my truck Edward!" I raised my voice slightly though the seriousness was more evident then before. I saw him reach hesitantly for the handle before turning back to look at me.

"I don't understand...if I said or did anything wrong please tell me and I will do everything within my power to correct it..."he pleaded.

"It's too late for that Edward. What's done is done and you got what _you_ wanted," I turned to look at him, trying to convince myself not to jump into his arms and tell him I didn't mean it. I didn't expect him to suddenly be sitting so close to me when he had just turned to finally leave. The proximity took me back and I almost lost track of my thoughts. I collected myself but before I could say anything, I felt Edward's lips on mine. He kissed me with such passion, such urgency...I couldn't help but return the kiss. A second time I let my emotions get the best of me only to result in yet another broken heart. When I needed air, I pulled away. His eyes were dark...possibly filled with lust and desire. I saw him tilt his head as though to go for another kiss but I couldn't do this. I pulled away.

"I shouldn't have done that," I said as I untangled myself from him and turned to face the steering wheel. I needed to distance myself from him. "Damn it, I told you to stay away from me!"

"But the fact that you did just shows how much you want to be with me too Bella," he whispered to me. I hated that he was right. But just because he was right, that didn't mean that I would give in.

"No," I shook my head, wanting to deny it all. "NO! I can not and will not do this!"

"Why...I don't understand how you can clearly be in love with someone but push them away...I'm in love with you Bella. I know you're in love with me...why can't we be together? I worked between us before, obviously...why not start again with our second chance..."he pushed, though he confused me. I figured it would be obvious to him why I'd be this way. So why would he want to pursue anything with me yet again knowing the outcome? Did he really want to see me in pain? The more I thought about this, only to grow more confused, I questioned how much Alice really had told him...did he even know he left me? Did he know what I did to bring me here...to this new reality? He wouldn't be this persistent and carefree about this if he knew...would be? I liked to think I knew Edward well...so taking that into consideration, he didn't know and that made me angry.

"Alice didn't tell you, did she?" I asked, which only brought confusion to his face. If she lied to him about what really happened, it would explain what he said last night...and his actions today. I can't believe she did this!

"Tell me what?"

"What did she tell you?" I ignored his response, wanting to hear conformation that he indeed, knew nothing of what happened to our relationship or to me.

"She told me that you had an accident and woke up from it reliving your first day of Forks High; she told me you know about our family, that we were all close and that you and I were together," he answered, still confused. "She also told me since it worked with us in your reality, I should stop sulking around thinking I'll kill you with the slightest touch..."

Alice was relentless...if I wasn't sure of this before, I was positive of it now. I hoped she would actually listen to me and leave well enough alone but of course, she wouldn't have it. She wanted me with Edward and by leaving out the details...it was her way of making sure it would happen. I couldn't deal with it..it was all too much. With trying to process the events that had just occurred, I became even more aware of my already unbearable migraine. Usually after taking medicine they would go away, but strangely this time it didn't. I needed to get out of here.

"I have to go," I quickly told him. "Please leave Edward."

"No, I want to know what you know," he insisted. "Obviously Alice hasn't told me everything..."

"Then it's her you need to be talking to," I simply said. "I have to go.I won't ask you again." I saw anger and curiosity and hurt clear in his eyes but there was nothing I could do. I knew if I tried to comfort him, I'd give in and I couldn't do that. A moment later, I found myself alone in the truck and feeling like the biggest idiot. Instead of heading home to get rest, I headed toward finding the one place I could finally relax and safely give myself to my emotions. The meadow.

I didn't imagine how difficult it would be for me to find the meadow on my own, having only being there once before. The first time, I was too distracted with the fact that I was hiking to pay attention to the path. There was even the chance that I would only reach there-if I did-by night fall and then getting back would be another problem. I almost siked myself out of the search but I was determined. I needed the safest escape considering which choice I made the last time. It took me two hours, a few wrong turns and a hell of a lot of determination until I finally stumbled upon my destination. There it was, in all its glory, our meadow. Or in this reality, just a meadow which warmly invited me in. I layed down in the center of the field, welcoming the serenity and willing my migrane to finally seek residence elsewhere. Unfortunately, it never left. It stayed put, happily where it was, taunting me. I had gotten so focused on figuring out where this migrane even came from that the sudden sound of a branch cracking took me off guard. I sat up, a little too quick for my liking only to be welcome by not only the migraine but the same pain in my chest I had first had when I woke up in this reality. It seemed every pain I had experienced was starting to come back to me and each one brought along a friend. To my slight...and I mean the slightest..disappointment, Edward was here. I saw remorse on his face for disturbing me but I couldn't say I was surprised.

"There's just no escaping you, is there." I said sarcastically.

" 'Fraid not," he responded though he couldn't look me in the eye. I stared at him for a few moments until realization hit me. He knew...right?

"You know now, don't you?"I asked.

"No...at least not everything. Alice said you had to be the one to tell me, not her," he told me as he took a seat beside me. "What I do know is that the accident you had killed you...and then you were here. I don't know what happened before your accident Bella, but however you came into this reality, I'm thankful. I can't live in a world where you don't exist...please, tell me..." It was ironic-him using those words now. That was my exact reason for my choices then...they hadn't changed. I looked into his pleading eyes...knowing the truth would clearly break him. But it was what he wanted and I did love him; the truth was the least I could give him. I took a deep breath, ignoring the pain that accompanied it and started.

"We were together...you loved me or so you claimed, I loved you...I still do no matter how much I try to avoid these feelin-" he cut me off before I could continue.

"Bella,I love you too! More than you could possibly imagine.." he said with urgency.

"Edward, you need to let me finish...you asked to know this." I told him; he nodded. "I planned on being with you forever, but you left me. Alice threw me a party at your place for my 18th birthay and I got a paper cut. Silly injury really, but the blood flow was enough to send Jasper into a frenzy..you pushed me back, to protect me. I crashed into the glasses which cut my arm...making the situation worse than it already was. You became distant from that moment on...until you decided your world wasn't for me. I wasn't good enough for you..you didn't want me..you said I'd get over my feelings for you in time..have a normal life...well, there was nothing left in me when you left. You took my heart, my soul, my reason for being. The accident Alice told you about was no accident. I jumped off a cliff." Edward was still as a statue...could vampires go into shock? "Edward?" I asked, concerned. I guess I expected this type of reaction from him...I gave it some time until after what felt like hours, Edward "came back" from his statuesque state.

"You...ki..killed yourself?" he fought with the words.

"I couldn't live without you..I promised I wouldn't do anything wreckless but you promised you'd never leave..you lied." I said, looking away. "Being without you isn't living; you took my soul away with you the day you left me."

"I just..I just don't understand...how stupid could I have been to actually bring myself to lie to you in such a horrible way!" he said with disbelief. "Bella...if how I felt for you in your reality came any close to how I feel in this one...then that decision I made-one which shouldn't have even be made without talking to you about my concerns-was all a lie. You are good for me...too good. In fact I wonder why you even chose me...a soulless monster, but you did. I do want you..in every way I could have you Bella...I just can't believe how stupid I was in your reality!" I stood up, needing to get away from the proximity as I tried to process what he had just said.

"Edward..you say this all now but what happened will happen in this reality...just like it did in mine. I know that because no matter how much things turn out differently here, in some way they are similar to what was meant to happen!" I insisted. He was standing in front of me, cupping my cheek with his hand in less than a second.

"Bella...I will never forgive myself for what my lies did to you. I can simply make up for my foolishness here, in this reality...don't you realize what all this means?" he asked, whatever thought he had brought a light to his eyes.

"What what means?" I asked, confused.

"This...your death and then you waking up the day it all began for us...we're meant to be Bella. The decisions that happened in your reality weren't supposed to be that way and as soon as they went wrong, fate gave us our chance back. We belong together..." I heard his words...so much of me believed it...I just couldn't hurt anymore. I couldn't.

"Edward...I can't relive you leaving me...I can't," I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of my mind.

"Bella...I swear to you...I will never disappoint you again. If I have to spend eternity making it up to you, I will do so gladly as long as I have you by my side...I love you and I know you love me." He hid whatever guilt he had from what I told him well; instead there was such joy.

"I don't know..."I continued to struggle with what to do. "I can't process this...this isn't a game Edward. This is my life...my heart on the line all over again. I can't trust that you won't shatter it again when you leave me."

"Bella, I will never leave you," he said as he stared intently in my eyes. "I will spend forever trying to convince you that I will never leave you Bella. I will never make that mistake again...ever. I love you, so much. Tell me you love me, too. Tell me there is still hope? That I haven't messed up our chance of being happy together?" I shook my head no. I couldn't. Once was enough.

"Say it." he repeated, more serious. The look in his eyes...his amazing eyes caused me to cave.

"I love you," I whispered, knowing he could hear. Within an instant, he was kissing me and I found myself not even questioning if I should kiss back. I did what came naturally to me. Staying away was not natural and of course I'd get hurt...maybe I'd keep coming back to him like he said...maybe fate really did work in weird ways and its plan was to ensure Edward and I are never apart...I pulled away to look at him, gasping for air. "This is going to be really difficult for me...I hope you know that...I can't trust you so easily after everything that happened..."I warned him.

"I'm not going anywhere..." he told me. I couldn't help but smile.

But just as easily the smile came...it went. The pain increased in that moment and was even more unbearable than before..as though that could even happen. I screamed out in pain, causing Edward to instantly go into panic mode. He was probably thinking he broke me! So much for getting another kiss...I was nearly tumbling over in pain though Edward held me, badgering me with questions about what was wrong...what hurt...etc.

"Bella, what's is it? What's going on?"he asked, frantic. He couldn't see anything phsycially wrong with me. Of course he wouldn't, it was all internal.

"It hurts," I whimpered, nearly falling over. He caught me before I had direct impact with the ground. "Please, make it stop" I cried.

"How long have you had these pains?" he asked, serious.

"Ever ...since I woke... up... in this ...reality...they went away but ...the last... few days different...symptoms came ...back. It's...never...been...this...bad..." another wave of pain hit me, this time directly in my chest. I couldn't even describe the type of pain it was..it made no sense to me at all.

"Bella..I need to get you to Carlisle," my vision was blurring. I could vaguely see him pull his phone out. He spoke so fast..even if I was in good condition and was trying to hear I couldn't. "Carlisle's coming here...it's best not to move you Bella..." I didn't respond. There was ringing in my ears...tightness in my chest...pressure in my head...almost the way it was when I was under that water. I couldn't make out his screams for my name though I knew they were there. But I kept slipping and slipping...until I couldn't see him at all and the meadow disappeared...


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Characters are in no way mine..I don't claim ownership on Stephenie Meyer's characters!

Chapter 6

When I finally came to, there was so much noise I couldn't wrap my head around it all. Between constant panic, to random beeping noises to someone crying..it was too much. I wanted peace and quiet! It was bad enough I basically got sick after kissing Edward...I could just begin to imagine how much he's beating himself up right now..His fear-in his mind coming true-of hurting me. We'd have a constant discussion for days over how we were fine and it wasn't his fault until he'd even start to relax. I groaned aloud, from the noises, internally willing them away. As soon as I made that noise, everything else stopped and I suddenly felt like I was being watched.

"O thank god, she's ok," someone exclaimed, though I couldn't be sure who.

"Isabella?" someone asked.

"She goes by Bella," someone corrected the person, thankfully.

"Of course...Bella, can you hear me?" the person spoke again. I tried to respond, though my throat felt so dry. I needed though, I felt my eyes begin to open, though it was so bright in the room I had to close them. It took a few minutes to adjust but once I did...I was caught off guard. I was in a hospital bed. Had Edward rushed me off to the hospital? He knew better than that..I hated hospitals. Surrounding me was a doctor I didn't know, Edward and my dad in the far corner. This time, when I tried to speak, the guy who looked like a doctor got me some water and helped me get ahold of the straw. It felt so good to have water going down my throat.

"Bella...do you know where you are?" the doctor asked. I cleared my throat before responding.

"The hospital," it was pretty obvious considering I was been hooked up to stupid machines. "Which brings me to my next point...I don't need to be here so how about we get those discharge papers and I'll be on my way." as I said this, I tried sitting up but instantly went down. My body had that same familiar pain and stiffness it had before. Of course it'd still be there.

"Sorry Bella...you're in recovery and are in no condition to be released yet," he told me. He looked at Edward and at my father before addressing me again. "I'll tell you what, I'll let you rest but then when you're up to it, we'll discuss your current condition." I didn't care what he had to say, I was fine. I just nodded, acknowledging him and he left. Suddenly it was really awkward in the room...I watched as my father shot daggers as he glared at Edward. I didn't get that...in this reality they would have been fine.

"You can leave now." Charlie barked at Edward. There was no way I was letting that happen.

"You're kidding right?" I said in disbief. They both look at me confused, though Charlie was more angry than confused.

"Bella I should respect your fathers wishes and leave the two of you alone," Edward replied...being too kind for his own good. I shook my head, refusing to let him leave. I needed to talk to him, without Charlie here.

"No," I simply said. "Dad, I don't mean to insult you but I need to speak with Edward alone please." Charlie said nothing. He just stormed out of the room trying to mask the hurt that was on his face. Edward stayed by the door..which confused me.

"Aren't you going to come sit with me?" I asked...trying not to let myself think he changed his mind and didn't want me. The heart moniter began to speed up as I internally began to panic and he was by my side, staring at the moniter panicking on his own. "It's nothing, I'm fine." I told him. As the machine slowed down, Edward began to calm. "So the hospital...I highly doubt it was necessary, don't you?" He looked at me, confused.

"Bella...the hospital is exactly where I needed to take you," he said, hurt in his voice. "I'm honestly just surprised you remember any or all of it."

"It's hard to forget any time we're in the meadow," I started. "But it's fine, soon I'll be released and I can tell you more about how we were when it first all happened. You won't have to go through Alice anymore." I laughed.

"The meadow?"he asked, confused. "Bella...what do you remember?"

"We were in the meadow...I finally told you about us...you got me to admit I loved you...we were kissing, and then that pain I'd been feeling intensified and everything went black...I never had that pain in my reality, it's weird." I told him.

"Your reality?"

"I have to go over this again?"I asked, slighlty annoyed. "Remember...I woke up back on my first day of Forks High School...reliviing everything that had already happened for me..."

"Bella...that didn't happen..." he told me...what? of course it did! "Bella...I didn't bring here from the meadow..."

"Then where did you bring me here from?" I asked, annoyed. I wouldn't forget something like that. The pained expression was back on his face.

"Bella...the cliffs, do you remember them?" he asked me.

"Yes...I jumped and didn't make it. Then woke up in a different reality" I told him.

"Bella...you did make it, but just barely," he started. "Alice had a vision of you jumping off the cliffs and not making it. I rushed to stop you and I was almost too late. I only got to you after you'd been under a little more than a minute...I barely made it in time. You've been in the hospital and in a coma for a little over a week...it was touch and go for a while but somehow..you pulled through..."

The alternate reality was just a dream? It couldn't be...could it? I thought I died...but I didn't?

"It did happen though...maybe I dreamt it all..." I thought out loud.

"What was it about?" I looked at him and smiled, though there was no smile on his face. He was still in pain.

"Us being destined to be together...fate doesn't seem to like the idea of us not existing without the other," my smile grew bigger at the thought.

"Bella.." he looked down, afraid to look me in the eye. "This is all my fault...that day in the woods...the things I said...I was so stupid to think I could live with such a lie...I wished, so much that you would see passed the lie...but I will make this up to you Bella...if it takes the rest of my existence, that's what I will do. I will never disappoint you again..."

"Edward...I love you and I know all of this now. I want to be with you," I paused. "and when I say that..I don't mean until I grow old and die. I mean eternity Edward. This is us I'm talking about and fate already showed me what would happen if I died...we'll just end up starting over from the beginning until it gets the ending it wants..." I laughed.

"Bella..you don't know what you're asking..."he shook his head, trying to deter the idea of me being changed.

"Edward...I know what I'm asking for. I know what I'd be giving up. And as long as I'm with you, the rest of that stuff doesn't matter. What matters is we spend the rest of eternity together, taking advantage of every moment and showing each other just how much we love the other...this isn't your decision...it's mine. But I can't do it alone..." I watched as he battled with himself over which choice was the right to make, until finally, he decided.

"Is this what you really want?" he asked, staring intently into my eyes.

"Yes."

"Then ok...but, after graduation..."he told me.

"You've got a deal...but if I decide I want any moderations made to our deal I hold the power to request them..."I added. Thankfully he agreed. I didn't know right then and there if there'd be anything to add but I didn't want problems later.

As the months went on after my release from the hospital-which didn't happen until psych evaluated me and determined I wasn't a threat to myself-I grew more and more anxious for graduation. Charlie hadn't warmed up to the idea of Edward being back in my life and I have trouble at times leaving the house unless Charlie takes me...the last time that happened, I lied and jumped off a cliff. That nearly destroyed Charlie and I felt bad, especially since I'd have to say goodbye after graduation.

Though while I grew anxious for the change...I realized a month later there was something I didn't want to miss out on. Since we were reunited, Edward didn't hold as many restrictions on our physical relationship, much to my pleasant surprise. Though it made me realize I wanted every experience with him. When I brought it up, of course he panicked. "Bella, it's too dangerous." he told me. Though, after much convincing and bringing up our agreement...the human experience I wanted so badly became my condition. Edward, of course, said he would change me but there was a condition...

Needless to say, we ended up engaged at the end of that conversation though he claims he would have proposed either way. Why wouldn't I want to be with Edward? We had three months without the other person and clearly, as I had learned, fate had other plans for us. Despite the choices we make, things always have a way of working themselves out in the end...

The End

**A/N: so here is where I felt it appropriate to put an attention note. This is the end of the story and now I can ask...how did you all like it? Was the ending what you hoped it would be? I'm not sure if there will be an epilogue...I've never thought of having one. It may have seemed odd how I have all this posted and complete in one day...I've been writing this for a month or two...so I hope the time ended up paying off...I look forward to seeing what you all think! Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 6Alternate Ending!

Chapter 6-Alternate Ending

There was no sound. No light in this endless darkness. I wasn't sure what I had expected; all I wondered in this moment was what the hell I was doing here. It was familiar. I had been here before...when I drowned. I didn't doubt that much. But this was different. I could feel it. The intensity of it all was less severe...perhaps I had simply fainted? Maybe I wasn't reliving my death. Whichever it was, I was alone in the dark and it was cold. I could faintly here my name being called out in the distance but I couldn't make out who it was.

My thoughts were on Edward and Edward alone. I couldn't believe I had given in. My bet was that Alice knew it would be this way all along. I knew it was a risk to simply give in. That I was risking ultimately facing Edward leaving me. Whether it be now or years from now when I'm much older. Oh god...he wouldn't want to be with me when I'm old enough to be and look like his grandmother!

All of this started to seem wasted. What good was it coming back in time and getting our chance to be together if I would simply grow old and die! What other choice was there...unless...

Eternity.

I knew what I'd be giving up by choosing that life with Edward. Did I want to essentially end my life and live in Edward's world? If nothing ever happened to seperate us...if he had never left me in the woods I'm not sure if I would've been able to say wholeheartedly that I was willing to leave my life...my family and friends behind. Now...well, now I know the consequences of not being with Edward. I know how much he means to me...how much I truly cannot live without him. If I had that chance...I would choose eternity with Edward a hundred times over. That is...if he'd have me.

_Bella..._

I heard my name being called...no longer as distant as it had appeared to be. I didn't focus on it seeing as how I was still here in the dark, taking my opportunity to figure out my next move..should I have one. I wanted forever. Settling for anything less at this point would simply be unacceptable. And if I truly wasn't dead and Edward and I could in fact have our second chance...then there was no way I was going to allow him to make anymore decisions for me. Especially when they concerned whether I wanted to remain mortal.

_Bella..._

_Bella...wake up, please!_

The voice was urgent. And as it came closer, the darkness slowly began to fade. Images around me were hazy. I couldn't quite make out my surroundings.

"Thank god, Bella I thought I lost you...open your eyes baby.." The voice pleaded with me. I did as it requested. I wasn't too surprised to find Edward hovering over me with a panic stricken look on his face. He was drenched with water though I was confused as to how that happened. There was no water in our meadow.

"Edward?" I asked, confused and finding it difficult to use my voice. I attempted to sit up and really look at him but typical Edward...insisted I stay down. "I don't understand, how'd we get here?"

"You don't remember?" he questioned...the pain in his eyes was hard to miss. Though behind it all was the love and adoration I missed over the months.

"I don't remember how we got here, no..." I told him. "Why are you soaked?" I realized then that not only was he soaking wet, but I was drenched as well. Not only was my outfit wet but I wasn't wearing the same thing I had worn in the meadow...I had been wearing this the day I jumped off the cliffs...

"Bella, you jumped off the cliff..."he said in a whisper. It pained him to even have to say those words aloud. "I barely made it in time to pull you out of the water. I don't know what I would've done if I lost you Bella..."

"I know I jumped Edward," I told him, still not fully catching on though if I was being honest...the evidence was hard to miss. At the same time, I was getting really confused with the constant switch of realities. Couldn't fate stick to one reality and leave it at that? If I was back in my time...then what did that mean to the other reality I was in. Did it ever really happen? "I don't get it...it was so real..." I mused.

"What was, love?" he asked, confused probably as to how I was taking everything so lightly.

"Nothing..."I couldn't get my head around how I was going to explain an alternate reality. It was enough to deal with first time around...but to be back in the time you were originally sent from...too confusing to explain. All I knew is that I was back...we could be together. "Does anyone know I'm out here?"

"Alice saw it...that's how I knew to find you here Bella," he started, trying to find his words. "Bella, you have to know...what I said to you in those woods..."

"You didn't mean." I finished for him. "You wanted me to have a chance at a human life, right?"

"Yes Bella...and I'm so sorry," he rushed out. "I promise I will never put you through something like this ever again...I'll spend the rest our lives showing you just how much I love you Bella...you're everything to me." He got me thinking right then...for the rest of our lives...I wondered what his meaning was behind it. Because as messed up as it all was, this was the perfect opportunity for me to have the life I wanted with him. The only person who knew I was alive was Edward and well, Alice. But what if everyone else thought I didn't make it...

I knew this wasn't the place to talk to Edward about this. I needed Alice. She would know what I wanted and she would help me, one way or another. I'd make sure of it.

"Edward, where's Alice? And the others?" I asked, hopeful.

"Back at the house love," he told me, confused. He had just confessed how sorry he was and I was thinking of Alice...I could see him confused and possible hurt. I just didn't need an apology from him. I needed the one thing I was afraid he wouldn't give me.

"Take me to her, please...?" I asked. Reluctantly, he scooped me up in his arms and headed towards the direction of my truck. "Leave my truck Edward."

"We can't leave it in the middle of nowhere Bella..."he disagreed.

"Edward, leave the truck. It'll be faster if you ran anyway..."I didn't want him catching on to my plan. I wanted someone to find my adandoned truck. I wanted them to think I went missing. It'd be that much easier to walk away from one life if everyone already thought I was dead. Of course, I had to consider what this would do to Charlie. It would practically tear him apart. I didn't want to have to make that sacrifice but there was no option for me anymore. I promised myself that one day...somehow I would make sure he knew I was ok. Thankfully, Edward did as I asked and left the truck. Just as I said, we got there not two minutes later with Alice already standing on the porch waiting for me. I could see confusion on Edward's face the moment we arrived. I raised my eyebrow at Alice, silently asking her if she was doing what I thought she was. Her grin was answer enough for me. She was blocking Edward, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Edward, I need time alone with Alice please," I kindly asked even though one way or another I would have that time alone.

"Alright love...I thought we could have some time to ourselves...talk?" he looked at me sadly.

"And we will, I just really need to speak to Alice first...alone." I understood why he didn't want to go for it. But I needed this.

"Ok, if that's what you need," he reluctantly agreed. "I'll go get your truck."

"No!" I practically shouted. "Edward, just leave the truck! Promise me you will not go anywhere near it. Leave it where it is!"

"I don't understand..."he started.

"Edward, just do as she says...I don't think you want to test her patience right now...do you?" Alice smirked at him.

"Ok, I'll leave it alone...Bella, please call me as soon as you're ready...I know I have no right asking this of you, but I can't stand not knowing if we'll be okay..."he held his gaze into my eyes intensely...I knew how important it was to him.

"I'll call, thank you..."I smiled at him, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. He seemed surprised my by show of affection but accepted it happily before he ran off to hunt...I assumed at least.

When Alice assured me we were out of hearing range, I took that as my opportunity to divulge my plan. I just hoped everyone would support me, despite Edward's possible resistance.

"You don't have to say it Bella...I already know," she smiled at me.

"Do you think it's stupid?" I instantly asked.

"I think you should seriously consider the consequences of all the choices you are making. I'm not against what you want at all Bella. I've seen this happening...but your plan will leave those who love you devastated. You won't be able to go back and change it...you need to understand that," she told me seriously.

"I know...I've thought about it through and through Alice. Listen, when I jumped off that cliff I thought I died. In fact I even woke up in some wierd time warp and everything was happening all over again from day one. Whether it really happened or not doesn't matter though. The point is that Edward and I are meant to be together and there's only one way we can be together always. I refuse to lose him again," I explained. "I know what I"m giving up. I know what it will do to Charlie. And as much as it pains me to put him through not knowing whether I'm dead or alive, this is how it needs to be. They need to think I'm dead for this to work in our favor." She looked at me intently before saying anything.

"Ok," she said, reminding me of the alternate reality where she so easily accepted my crazy alternate reality story.

"Just okay?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes," she responded. "Bella, this is your decision to make. We all would be honored to have you be part of this family. It's your life and you need to decide how you want to go about living it. No one has a right to make the choice for you. Not even Edward."

"Thank you Alice!" I hugged her, relieved that I would have someone on my side. "Do you think we should tell the family first...then Edward?"

"Yes, definitely the smart way to go," she laughed.

Two hours later, Alice and I had finally finished explaining everything to the rest of the family, Edward excluded. Once everything would become official, the family would make its move back to Alaska temporarily. No one could know the Cullens were back in town or they could potentially tie my sudden disappearance to them. It seemed to work out that Charlie had spoken to me about sending me to Jacksonville...it was perfect motive for me to want to run away...disappear...jump off a cliff...whichever ended up being found in the investigation I'm sure Charlie would have in the matter of days.

"Edward?" I said into the phone. I was finally ready for him to come back and explain what was going to happen. I had the family on my side...Carlisle was willing to change me himself whether Edward was willing or not. Rosalie was the only one who remained reluctant. That wasn't going to stop me though.

"Can I come back now Bella?" he ranted into the phone. "I'm gonig crazy being apart from you like this..."

"Yes, please. We really need to talk," I told him.

"I'll be right there," I heard the wind instantly pick up before the line went dead.

"We'll leave you two to talk privately Bella," Carlisle said as the family got up and started making their way out.

"Thank you," I smiled at him.

I went up to Edward's room and sat there waiting patiently. I already knew how this was going to go. We'd gone over it many times after everything that happened with James. I just hoped the time apart gave him some perspective.

"Bella..."I heard from the doorway. I had been so deep in thought that he had startled me when he called out my name. Stealthy vampire... "Sorry, love. I didn't mean to scare you..."

"It's ok...my own fault for being lost in thought," I smiled at him. He approached me slowly, unsure of how to act. I stood up and walked over to him, taking his hand. Once I had him seated on the couch, I took my place in his lap which surprised him..just as my kiss had. "You shouldnt be so surprised..." I laughed.

"I'm not sure how to be exactly...I thought for sure you'd hate me for everything I put you through..." he admitted. "You have to know how much I love you Bella.."

"Edward...I do know how much you love me," I started, bracing myself. "Things clearly aren't the same as they were when you left. I think the cliff showed us that much..."

"So..you don't want me..."he muttered.

"I didn't say that!" I quickly said. "Edward, I want you now more than ever. I thought I died. I even thought I ended up in some time warp where fate was giving up a second chance at this...I don't know if it was real or not but I know that us not being together simply isn't in the cards. And it's something I can't live through..."

"I can't live without you either Bella..."he said, searching my eyes to make sure I knew the truth to his words.

"That's why things need to change Edward. It's because of that things are different," I told him. "You can't continue going on making life altering decisions for me anymore...what concerns us must be decided by both of us. Otherwise, we suffer."

"Bella..I'm so sor-" I cut him off before he could apologize again.

"Edward don't, please," I said quickly. "I need to say this and you need to really hear it. I can't live without you. I refuse to live in a world where you don't exist...do you understand where I'm going with this...?" I hoped he did...I really hoped...

"Bella, I can't live without you either...if I had been too late...I wouldn't have been able to endure living the rest of eternity without you," he admitted.

"So you're saying you would have found a way to follow me, is that it?" I asked, irritated he wasn't catching on. "So I grow old and die, and then you follow me? Is that your plan Edward?"

"That's exactly my plan," he stated matter of factly.

"No." I said.

"No?"

"You heard me Edward. The answer is no. I refuse to grow old, while you stay young. I want forever with you. You know this," I urged.

"Bella, I won't condemn you to this life. I can't do that to you," he said, clearly refusing to budge. I pulled away from him, moving to sit across from him in a seperate chair.

"So then you lied. Again?" I questioned.

"What? No! Of course not!" he uttered quickly, moving to kneel in front of me.

"If you dont' want me forever Edward, then you don't want me at all," I said. There was no other way to see it.

"Bella, it's not that I don't want to have you with me forever...I want it so badly. But I can't let my selfishness take you away from a life you've hardly even lived," he tried to explain.

"Edward, I know what I'm giving up by making this choice. You need to understand that this decision is mine alone to make. It's my life I'd be leaving behind and it's something I'm ready to do. You want me forever. I want forever with you. So I've decided...I just want your support on this decision...it wouldn't exactly a pleasant eternity if you're miserable with me," I told him. I wasn't backing down. It was my choice. I wanted him...this was the only way to be together the way we were meant to.

"Bella..think about what you're giving up. A family...children...think of Charlie," he tried reasoning with me.

"I'm sitting here telling you I've thought it all through and despite any hardships it may cause, I still choose forever with you and your trying to talk me out of it?"I said in disbelief. "Just stop...please Edward. It's not being selfish if I'm choosing you. You don't have to ask me. I'm not giving anything up. I want you. I want this life with you and I'm ready to start...now." he looked at me carefully...searching for any doubt. It seemed as though he hoped for it.

"Ok." he said, defeated.

"Ok?" I asked, a smile forming on my face.

"Yes, I need to back off and let you make this decision on your own and clearly you have. I won't lie and say I"m not happy about it...I want forever with you Bella. But please, wait until after graduation. Give yourself time to say goodbye to Charlie..."

"Actually...that's already been figured out."

"Oh? and what's the plan then Miss Swan?" he teased.

"I told you to leave my truck for a reason didn't I?" I smirked at him. He looked at me increduously.

"You want everyone to think you've gone missing?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want them to think. I even considered going back to the cliffs and leaving some traces of blood so they think I fell and went into the water. It's not exactly the ideal way of going about it but Edward...I want this now, so please...go with it?" I pleaded.

"I'm not exactly pleased at how we're going about this Bella, but if it's what you want then I will do this. All I want is to make you happy," he smiled at me.

"I have one more favor to ask of you..." I said as I bit my lower lip, clearly a nervous habit.

"Anything, love..."I really hoped he wouldn't regret this later...

"I want you to be the one to do it...to change me..." I couldn't look him in the eye, afraid of what I may or may not find there.

"I will, on one condition.." he said. I instantly looked up at him, surprised he was agreeing. I would do anything to for him to be the one to change me. He knew that!

"Marry me Bella," he asked, looking into my eyes intently, conveying the seriousness. I saw all his love for me as he looked at me. I saw how serious he was, how much he wanted me, how much he cared for me. And I saw no reason to deny him. I wanted forever with him. I wanted to be tied to him in every way possible. This was a no brainer.

"Yes Edward, I'll marry you!"

The End

**A/N: So, I know this took an extremely long time to do but I couldn't sleep and I got to reading the story again and well...you know the result. I hope this ending wasn't too rushed like my other one. I look forward to hearing what you all think! **


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